


Make You Breathe

by neverenoughstylinson



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Jay is called meg, M/M, a kitten called lou, doctor!harry, don't be made english is not my first language, fluff because fluff, smut later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2016-02-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 09:32:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neverenoughstylinson/pseuds/neverenoughstylinson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All Louis could hear was the perpetual « beep » in another room. It was a sound way to familiar now. These cold corridors, these aggressive neons, these walls way too white, the awfull smell of the food, listening to the sound of electrocardiograms, nurses running in a room smetimes. Whispers, cries, the wheels of a stretcher somewhere. He could barely stand it anymore. All was way to familiar, more than he could even have imagined less than one month ago…</p><p> </p><p>AU where Harry is a doctor, Louis is really stubborn, a lot of fight but hey nobody said it was easy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He was almost asleep in front of some crappy TV show when the doctor came in. He didn’t like the guy, way too pretentious. And he couldn’t stand his non-sense explanations. In spite of all the scanners, PET scan and all the X-rays, they didn’t even know for sure what was wrong. Louis wanted answers and a treatment, that was all he was asking for. He didn’t like feeling distraught, that’s why he was almost relieved to leave when the dark haired doctor ask to talk to his mother in private. 

They had diagnosed his mother’s sickness two weeks ago. She was fine, and overnight she was hospitalized. And suddenly, the hospital had become Louis’ second home. Ironically, being an unemployed actor was a good thing now, he could spent time with his mum. It took him only a few days to find his way into the maze that was the building and he knew the way to the small cafeteria like the back of his hand now.

He didn't look at people there. Seeing ill people made him feel way too uncomfortable and his mum sickness somehow became more real. He used to be a bookworm but he couldn’t read any more. So as usual, he was just there, scrolling down Instagram or Twitter on his phone to fight his boredom and to keep him away from thinking, his coffee latte half drank and now cold in front of him, hiding most of his head under his hoodie and listening to same song again and again.

He was only taken away from the screen by the distant sound of a smashed glass and turned his glance to see culprit. Tall, curly brown hair, green eyes, and a white wool sweater way to large for him. " _Poor lad"_ , he thought " _Must be visiting someone as well, it’s sad he looks so young"_. In fact even surprisingly young for such a tall body Louis thought, but he quickly went back to the screen, not even seeing the small and sorry smile of the boy. He wasn't really into music, except for the good 90's songs he liked to sing to with Niall and parties. Back in the time he was going to parties. But this song was exactly what he felt at the moment. Lost, trying to escape, not being able to. How had his life change so much, in such a short time. Would he be able to feel something again.

Except anger. So much anger he could pull his hair out if he could. Putting his phone on the table, he crossed his arms and tried to sleep, even if he knew he could.

 

 " _What a jerk you are ! First day and already making a fool of yourself, well done Styles. How do you even want to be taken seriously_ "

Harry thought trying to make himself so small he could disappear. He really wished he could disappear. This day was really intimidating for him. He was only twenty-three and already doing his internship in this hospital. If not a nerd, he was clearly smarter than a lot of people his own age. Maybe a little too much and he always felt the need to hide it behind a lot of cheekiness and he was also known as "The flirt".

But here, all the "magic" was useless. And his childish face, not to say cherub, was really not helping to be taken seriously as a doctor. No, he really didn’t feel comfortable, he hardly could feel more lost right now. No friendly face to cheer him up. Even that boy in a hoodie gave him a odd look. When he met his piercing blue eyes, for a moment he felt almost…relieved. There was something in the gaze, something he could not explain, before it turned odd of course. He was quickly taken away from his thoughts by a loud voice.

"Styles ? You’re late boy. Go put your scrub, the Doc is waiting for you."

Luckily, the next two days went a lot better for Harry. He basically swallowed the map of the hospital to be able to find his way and not end up to the morgue, again. He was a doctor yes, but he didn't like to see corpse at 8 AM thank you very much. He even knew some people here and there like the nice ladies of the admissions, even if they still called him Henry. He could even find familiar faces at the cafeteria now, the hoodie boy, as he had nicknamed him, by example. He didn’t even know what his face looked like actually, except from the blue eyes, he had never seen him without the hoodie but he found it…mysterious ? " _Such a sap you are_ " he thought.

Not sure what it really was, but he found himself really puzzled by the boy and fear and timidity crept slowly up his spine as he walked over to his table, the only one left.

"May I seat here ?" he asked carefully. When the hoodie boy didn’t answer he just put his cup on the provoking a small jump.  
  
"Sorry, listening to music, didn’t hear you coming" he mumbled not even looking at him "What do you want ?".

"Just… Can I seat here, that the only chair but erm… if you mind I’ll just…" Harry stuttered with a husky voice, unable to keep his poker-face.

"Feel free to seat, I don’t really care" Louis said fiddling his earphones nervously.

"I’ve seen you here already" the curly-haired boy said after a few minute and smiled his best smile.

"Yeah, you got me. What can I say, I love this place, nice place, love the vibes" Louis answered, making Harry not sure how he was supposed to take the answer. "What’s your excuse ? For being there I mean, I suppose it is not the vibes, is it ?".

"I work here" he answered a little bit too proud for his liking, meeting a genuinely intrigued Louis for the first time.

And Harry found himself even staring when the boy finally took of the hood revealing his chocolate sweeping hair and a slight sun-kissed tan. And theses blue eyes Harry could drowned in as they were fixed on him right now.

"That would explain the scrub then. Don’t take it bad, but you look really young" Louis said, holding the gaze.

"I know I take that a lot but no, I am older than you think." Harry replied nervously  wringing his hands. "My name is…"

"Harry Styles" Louis cut him off "don’t look at me like I'm a stalker or something, your scrub gave you away once again" he indicated the badge with the name one it with a nob of his head.

"Oh…" Harry faceplamed after taking a quick look to the badge he was indeed wearing, making Louis laugh for the first time. A light and plain laugh which made Harry’s heart beats slightly faster.

"I’m sorry Harry Styles, but I have to go" Louis said shooting at the clock and grabbing his stuff.

 "See you around ?" Harry  asked, almost almost hopeful which made Louis grin.

 "Maybe ?" he winked and walked away, leaving a smiling curly boy lost in his thoughts.

 

 

Louis was always early for the visiting hours and now he was late. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with his mother. He was definitely not here to make friends even if Harry seemed to be a nice lad. Louis couldn’t believe he was working there.

 _"He looks so young_ "  he thought, the memory of his smooth, white-pale skin, the wild curl and those dimple still in mind. _"Come on Louis, what is wrong with you. Focus boy, focus_ " he muttered pushing the button of the elevator « 6 floor - Haematology » taking a deep breath.

 

 **"** How is your mum ? " his best friend greeted him.

"Oh my god, Niall have you been there all day ?" Louis freaked out looking at his friend sprawled on his couch.

"Avoiding my room-mate and his girlfriend fucking around… and I've got a spare key remember ? Still not answering my question here !" the blonde boy laughed. Louis was used to the odd behaviour of his friend now but still not really comfortable with the sneaking habit.

"She’s fine, I think. As fine as she can be. It is hard to see her like this you know" Louis sighed knowing that there was no way he could avoid his friend’s question. "She has another medical test tomorrow morning. I won’t be able to see her before noon."

"Don’t feel bad about it Lou, you need to sleep. Your mother is in good hands for now and you Mister, could really use some rest.

Look at those dark circles under your eyes princess" Niall teased Louis, even poking him in the ribs.

"Oh you know, I still have game" Louis answered meeting the questioning look of his room-mate. "Nah never mind Nialler, fancy some pasta ?"

"DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING IN THIS KITCHEN TOMLINSON" the lad yelled running in the corridor. "Go take a shower or whatever but don’t you dare going to the kitchen, you are a menace".

A quick look at his room was enough to understand the mess that was now Louis Tomlinson. Literally and figuratively sadly. His bed was barely done, and it was almost perilous to walk there. Not that he was a fussy person before his mom sickness, but he was still doing his laundry. The thing is, now he couldn’t care less. He was almost all day at the hospital anyway and was only thinking about her. That evening, Louis felt asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, leaving a not so sad Niall with a full plate of pasta for the night. Surprisingly though, his last thought was the glimmering green eyes. 

 

Louis was awoken by the sound of the ringtone he only used for his mum. No need to say he was anxious and his heart almost froze each time he heard this ringtone.

"Yes mum what is going on are you ok ?" he asked trying to catch his breath.  
  
"They release me…"  His mum hadn't finished her sentence that Louis was already in front of the door, the phone pressed against his shoulder putting a Toms at one foot. He run down the stairs, jumped in blue Mini and droved as fast as he could.

  
  
Harry found himself creeping around the cafeteria. He was waiting for the hoodie boy even if he couldn't admit it yet. He hadn’t show up this morning and Harry was nervously playing one of his curls staring at the doors. He couldn’t help it, he wanted to know more about him. The simple memory of his smile made him twitched in excitement. He seemed so outgoing but somehow vulnerable at the same time. And even if he couldn’t admitted it, Harry just loved the tight red pants the boy dared to wear. He blushed at one dirty thought, relieved that none could read his mind right know. That the exact moment that a hoodie boy choose to appear. Harry almost jump on his feet and walk over him but was stopped when he saw him a woman on his arm.

"Hey kiddo be careful here" a raven haired paramedic shouted pushing a stretcher and taking Harry back to hearth. "Stop staring like a teenage girl with a crush and watch your step or someone is going to roll over you" he smirked.

"I'm… not staring… like.."Harry blushed shamefully looking at his feet.  
  
"Don’t tease the new doctor Zayn, it’s rude! Excuse my mate" other guy said smiling at Harry’s now red cheeks. "His he a friend of yours ?" he continued gesturing to the boy.

"I don’t know him. I don’t even know if he is a patient or a visitor to be honest" he answered his voice more husky than usual.

"See that suitcase he is pulling? Looks like he is leaving. Not going to find out" Liam said closely looking at Harry rubbing the back of his neck in both embarrassment and discomfort.

"Sorry mate. I am Liam by the way, and this is Zayn" he said gesturing at the dark haired boy waving. "Fancy a drink tonight? You look like you need it "  
  
"Yes" finding out he would probably never see the boy again, Harry could really have a drink right now.  
  


 

The relief has been short for Louis as less than 2 weeks later after his mum’s call, he was back in the cafeteria and couldn’t stand the

brick wall or the tainted flowers any more. They had the results of the medical test 2 days ago and his mum had been finally diagnosed with a lung cancer. She was now hospitalized in another service "Daisy 6", same floor though. A fibrescope inspection had been planned in the morning, no matter what that meant, and he was now waiting for her to come out of anaesthesia.

  
"You are back !" a familiar husky voice greeted with a little more fervour than was necessary.

"Hello to you too. Yes, I’m back. I really missed the waffles. Have you try them yet? Really good" Louis said biting frankly "So what’s going on ? Not to hard to work here ?" he mumbled, mouth full.  
  
"Well, I am not the newbie any more which feels good. I have made a few friends in the paramedics team, a big step as I just moved here and don't really know anyone yet". He blushed suddenly "Oh my god I sound pathetic didn't I ?"

Louis smiled at the boy who was now hiding under his crazy curls.  
  
"Oh, and I am in a new service Daisy 6, yes the name are weird" Harry said enthusiastically. Louis’ fingers tightened around his coffee cup and stared at the boy. "Shit" he thought. Not fazed by his reaction, Harry started rumbling. "Anyway Erm…I am going for a drink in a karaoke tonight with my friends if you want to join us?" he said with a big hopeful smile.

Louis couldn't stay here. Soon he would know about his mum. Pity. It was coming next. He wouldn't stand it. But Harry seemed nice. It felt nice listening to him in a way.  
  
"Yeah, I don't know…well um gotta go… give me a call ?" Louis said writing his number on a piece of paper before continued towards the door.  
  
"Wait! What's you name ?" harry asked grabbing him by the wrist,  
  
"Louis. Louis Tomlinson" and then he disappeared in the crowd.

Louis had totally freaked out and he knew it. But he didn’t want Harry to know about his mother. It was nice for once to be able to chat about random stuffs and as he had given him his number, he wanted things to remain that way.

  
  
Harry couldn’t stop touching the paper in his pocket during the ride in elevator back to his service  once he had finished his lunch. He shook his head and not really controlling his fingers, he grabbed his phone.

 

_Hey, This is Harry. Styles. The Doctor. I case you knew any other Harry Styles. Thought it would be fair to give you my number too :)_

He regretted it as soon as his finger hit the send button _"Really ? A smiley ? Really mature Styles_ ". He starred at the name saved in his phone."Louis Tomlinson, sounds great" he thought smiling like an idiot meeting the confused gaze of some visitors as he made his way to his service.  
  
"Tomlinson" a voiced said in his back. He faced the Chief Medical Officer and stifled "What?".

"New patient, just admitted, Hurry up Styles, 6528" he said tossing the files in his hands. Harry walked to the room, took a deep breath and entered. Shamefully, he was almost relieved when he discovered a woman with the same piercing blue eyes he has felt for.

"Hi Miss Tomlinson" He said nervously as he stepped closer to the bed.

"Call me Meg" the woman cut him off with a soft smile.

"Alright, Meg, I know I look like a teenager but I am one of the new doctors in charge" Harry tried to joke "We need to do a blood test, so I’ll send you one of the nurse"

"Another one ? What are you ? Vampires ?" her laugh turning into a painful cough fit.

"I’m sorry, I promise it will be the only one today ! You can call me whenever you want if you need anything" Harry said before leaving the room with clammy hands.

So that’s why Louis was at the hospital everyday. His mother was sick and Harry was now one of the doctors in charge of her

treatment. He didn’t really understand why Louis was hiding it but he choose not to say a word about his mum neither when he received his text.

 

_Sorry Harry, won’t be able to catch a drink tonight, but your phone number is saved ;) -Louis_

 

 

 

Even if Louis didn't make it to the karaoke, whiting the next two weeks, Louis and Harry grew impossibly close, spending most of Harry’s free time together. They were even seeing each other outside of the hospital now. They would go to a movies or just a walk. They even got lost in a museum once and ended lying on the floor goofing until someone came to help them. Sometime, they would just watch dvds at Harry’s. For Louis, the curly haired boy was like a sweet escape from his life. He was as charming as clumsy and he was a real distraction. Louis found himself laughing again and acting more carefree around him than he had in a while. Harry was the  only one of his entourage who didn’t know about his mum and when he was with him, it was almost as if the sickness had disappeared. That's why one day he had finally agree to go for a coffee with Harry and that's why now they were mostly attached to the hips.

 

"Your phone is vibrating, again" Harry whispered from the other end of the couch  staring at the TV. "You should answer it is distracting me from The Lion King. It's basically a crime, just so you know. No pressure" he putted giving a soft kick with the foot on Louis’ ribs.

"Haven’t you seen this movie like a hundred time already Haz ? " Louis laughed at the boy and poked him in the cheek.

"Haz ?" Harry shimmered at the nickname.

"Oh hm, I just thought it was a nice but if you don’t like it…" Louis smirked.

"No it’s cool I like it" Harry smiled making Louis' stomach do, a thing. " Who’s it then ?" he continued stretching to look at the phone.

"That’s just Niall. I was supposed to meet him tonight as he complained I didn’t spend time with him any more. But I’m here so I guess his is mad at me or something" Louis confessed rubbing the back of his neck with a not so sorry smile.

"You should always ask him to join us, we could order a pizza" Harry looked at him with soft eyes and a smile Louis couldn’t resist.

Harry meeting Niall couldn't be that bad.

"Pizzas. plural. trust me with Niall, one pizza won’t be enough" he said, laughing again at Harry’s perplex gaze.

"Nah, You’ll see young Harold, You’ll see" Louis said grinning at the tall boy.

 

A soon as Harry’s eyes were glued to the dancing colours on the screen, Louis reached his phone.

 

_Wanna come over for a pizza ? I’m at Harry’s – Louis_

_Have I ever said no to Pizza ? You wound me. I am on my way – Niall_

_Please, don’t say anything. I mean, really nothing – Louis_

_Don’t know why you hide it mate, but ok, not a word  - Niall_

 

Even if Niall acted a little bit possessive the first minutes he met Harry, noticing the odd dynamic between the curly boy and his best friend, the two lads actually got along quite well. The blond boy seemed really interested in getting to know Harry and Louis was thankful. He wanted the curly boy to be a part of his life somehow and his best friend’s opinion mattered.

After playing some video games, which Harry lost, they decided to watch a movie. They ordered 2 pizzas, one for Niall and he and Harry had to share the other one. Niall couldn’t keep a smile as he watched the two boys revolving around each other in some kind of osmosis. Even if he and Louis were two year older than Harry, one would have thought he was the older by the way he acted and how protective he was with Louis. They were now sharing a couch, their legs curled up somehow.

It had been a long time since Louis hadn’t spent such a nice evening. He was away from the hospital and he felt almost peaceful as he twisted and lied his head on the boy’s shoulder some curls brushing his temple. He was warm, and comfortable.  " _Does he smells…Apple ?_ " Louis last thought sinking further into the couch before falling asleep in a deep sighed.

 

 

After Louis’s eyelids had droop shut Harry and Niall hadn’t had the heart to wake him up at the end of the movie. Harry lead Niall to the door wishing him a good way home and simply pull a cover on the sleeping lad.

"Haz…" Louis mumbled half asleep.

"Oh Lou, I didn’t mean to wake you up I’m so…"

"Please come lay with me…" Louis cut him off patting the couch eyes still closed. After a moment of hesitation, Harry walked over.

Louis had already begun to pull the blanket open to allow room. He climbed onto the couch and curled further into Louis to be comfortable. Soon legs tangled together, limbs almost sewed to one another. And it felt, natural. Even closed those blue eyes kept blowing holes into Harry’s mind. Louis was smaller than him sure but right now he almost looked like a child, with his surprisingly long lashes and his soft smile. There was no way to deny it, in only a couple of week, he had fallen hard for Louis.

It was the first time Harry felt this way for someone, boy or girl. It was like he needed to be with Louis and all he wanted was to hear his laugh and see his smile when they met at the cafeteria every day. But he knew they could never be more than friends, could they ? He cleared the thoughts away as the smaller boy snorted slightly and after one last glance at him, he felt asleep, Louis’ arm now around him. " _Only friend, better than nothing Styles_ ".

 

The next morning, Louis was awake by a delicious smell. It took him some minutes to remember where he was. Harry’s place. And he remembered sleeping with the boy as well. No, he remembered asking Harry to lay with him. He face palmed softly, then tried to look as fit as it was possible after sleeping on a couch and he walked carefully into the kitchen, hoping that there wouldn’t be any awkwardness. Harry bustled around the kitchen making their pancakes, bacon and eggs. 

"Morning sunshine" Harry greeted him with a beaming smile.

"Hey, are you making me breakfast ? I feel like a lady" Louis mumbled groggily but greatly relieved.

Harry let out a small laugh looking at Louis’ sleeping hair while the boy sat down at a table, relief. He watched as Harry walked over to him, holding 2 plates.  

"At least there is no walk of shame here" Harry joked before blushing, having suddenly realized the innuendo.

"So what are we doing today ?" The older boy smiled at the "we" Harry had used.

"Well, I have something to do around noon but I thought we could go to the fun fair after that ? If you’re up to ? "

"Fun fair yeah ? Sounds… fun" Harry said in a mock-whisper. Louis puched him gently on his tight.

"Stop hurting me I  was kidding, please, stop hurting me or I’ll call the DVS" Harry said threateningly and clearly trying hard not to laugh.

"DVS ? " he said asked smirking at the younger boy.

"Well you know, Domestic Violence Services" Harry joked lying back down and throwing his forearm over his eyes as protection. Louis

rolled his eyes before gently patting the chocolate curls."You are a twat Styles."

"That’s why you love me" Harry added as he stood up looking for something in the fridge. "I didn’t even know we had a fun fair in the city though"

"It’s no in the city, it’s twenty minutes away. I used to go there when I was a child, every summer." Louis had gone a bit teary eyed.

He didn’t speak for a moment and Harry stayed quiet, looking at him anxiously. But Louis resumed control, it wasn’t like he was just going to confess all his problems now.

"I really hope there will be waffles !" He continued with a grin. Harry seemed to know he was faking but didn't say anything.

"Waffle-whore !" Harry chuckled before having Louis attacking him with tickles.

When he arrived at the hospital, Louis felt somehow, lighter. He was in a good mood and was even smiling.  He was only pulled out of his daydream by his phone vibrating in his pocket. Checking the caller ID, which was not Harry, he turned it off and walked in his mother’s room.

"Hey mum, how are you today ? " He said trying to smile as big as he could.

"Hey Lou, I’m pretty fine. You are just in time to see the delicious food they are trying to kill me with. See ? It’s green, how is it qupposed to be carrots ? " His mum joked. Louis couldn’t feel happier to see how is mum could still be so much full of life even now.

"So give me some news from the outside, how is it like ? Did you get out a little bit more ? You’re young you should get drunk, flirt or whatever. That’s what I did when I was your age! "

" What … Oh my god stop mum, that is not the kind of things I want to know about you stop it !" Louis joked pretending to block his ears. "Nah I’ve just being hanging around with Niall and Harry, watching dvds and playing video games"

"Who’s Harry You never talked to me about him before have you ? " His mum asked looking closely at him.

"He is a guy I’ve met, really smart for his age, curly hair green eyes, and he cooks a mean breakfast" Louis mumbled. Meeting his mum’s curious gaze, he stopped. "Never mind, Did the doctors said anything new ? " He continued trying to change the subject.

"Well, you know how they are always doing tests, craving for my blood as always. They don’t know nothing much yet." She stopped herself noticing his fits now white as he tried to stay calm.

"How comes they don’t know, are they even searching ? It’s been weeks now what the hell are they doing !" Louis yelled.

"Calm down Boo, They simply need time to find the best treatment that’s all. You were in such a good spirit you arrived, please keep it I love to see you smile babe." Louis came back to his chair and brushed his mother’s hand with his thumb.

"Yeah you’re right mum, I’m sorry It’s just hard not being able to help." he said, his face down trying to keep him from crying as his mum coughed in pain.

"You know what you could do to help me ? Go out and have some fun" she said with the biggest smile he had seen in a while.

After two hours of watching some TV show next to his mum, Louis left the hospital. Still in the building he reached his phone.

"Hey Haz, it’s me, meet me in half to go to the fun fair ? I’ll pick you up" he said earning a childish "woot woot" from the younger boy.

 

The fun fair was just like he remembered. Except than he used to come here with his mum and not Harry. Harry’s eyes were

overwhelmed by all the lights, balloons and was literally zigzagging along pulling Louis by his sleeve to the Ferris Wheel. How even could he be a doctor, Louis didn't know. He was glad to share his little secret with the younger boy. None knew about the funfair, not even Niall. And to see Harry acting like it was Christmas was the best thing he had seen in a while. "Weird and beautiful, that’s Harry." Louis thought watching the lad as they were waiting for the big wheel. But as soon as they were in the sky, Harry’s face turned really pale.

 "What’s wrong Haz ?" Louis asked worried. "Are you ok ? You look like a ghost !"

"Nah it’s nothing, I’m just a little bit afraid by… height."  Harry twiddled his thumbs ashamed to look like a child. Louis gently brushed his arm trying to calm him down.

"What ? Are you serious ! Why did you pull me here then " Louis said moving so close than Harry could smell his aftershave.

"No, I wanted to ! But could you… hold my hand ? " He asked shyly not even looking at him. 

Louis squeezed Harry’ thigh before reaching for his hand. Soon, their fingers were intertwined and Harry ‘s head resting on Louis’ shoulder. Though it would seems a bit weird to anyone looking at them, Louis couldn’t help it, he liked the feeling of having the curly boy close to him. For once, he was not the one to look after. And Louis almost felt like home with him. And that is when he realised that he liked him, more than a friend.

"So, still afraid ? " Louis glanced at the other boy after a moment.

" No, actually it’s kind of beautiful"Harry smiled at him and the pair just remain silent till the end holding hands and… well, cuddling.  

 

"Wow look at all this food, Niall would love to live here !" Harry joked as they walk to the candy shop not far away for the Ferris Wheel. Though he wasn’t really hungry this last weeks, Louis was starving now. Really. He bought two waffles of course, and even shared a cotton candy with Harry. After the ghost train, the younger boy pulled Louis to play with the grabber machine. Louis loved challenge so he had been trying to win something for twenty minutes now and Harry just leaned against the machine, arms crossed humming the song on the radio.

"I didn’t know you could sing" Louis asked surprised but still his eyes on his game.

"I don’t really sing, I hum as you can see, or hear. I’m not really good at it" Harry said looking down at his feet.

"Are you kidding me ? I thought it was the radio not you !" He smiled at the blushing boy  "OH FUCKER GOD DAMN MACHINE YOU WILL NOT WIN !!!" He yelled punching the game with his hips. 

"Come on Louis you’ve been trying for ages, you can not beat the machine that’s all ! "

Ting ting ting. The smaller boy glanced at him  "Told you I would win, I am the Tommo"  He smirked very proud of himself. Yeah he won, sue him.

"Here, it’s for you" he said tossing a cuddly toy in Harry’s hands.

"A kitten ? You’ve been winning it…for me ?" the curly haired boy said examining the toy.

" Sure thing ! How are you going to call it ?"

''Lou" Harry whispered, not watching Louis.

Louis smiled at the other boy shyness "Ok so Lou it is. Let’s go, it's getting late".

 

Harry was just here, sat in silent, holding the small cat tight in his arms as they were driving back to the city. But silence was not a wkward at all, they were both thinking about their nice afternoon. It was dark outside now and Louis took his eyes off of the road for a split second to glance at Harry’s face light up by the moon. It was beautiful. Even if he was still not sure he could used this word for a boy. But Harry was not just a boy he knew it, he had become special for him. When Harry caught him, he blushed a bit. He really was afraid of the feelings growing but also really excited to know what would happened then.

"I was thinking… Maybe you could… meet my friends ? They want to go to a bar tomorrow night but no pressure you don’t have to" Harry said, nervousness in his voice.

"Actually, I’d love to" Louis answered, only to see Harry’s anxious face turning into a wide smile.

Louis squeezed his friend’s tight and smiled as well. But the both of them was a bit sad when  Louis parked in front of Harry’s home. 

"So, see you tomorrow ? " Harry asked almost hopeful and he unbuckled his seatbelt.

"Of course Silly !" Louis laughed poking his dimple making the younger boy putting his tongue out playfully before heading home.

 

 

"Hey Tommo !" a voice greeted Louis.

"Hi Niall, sleeping here tonight ?" He answered walking into the living room.

"Yes. Wait. What ? No sigh, no "OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU HERE" today ?  What’s with this great attitude Lou ? " Niall asked glaring at his friend. " Where have you been today ? "

"I was with Harry" He answered pulling out his TOMS.

"Oh, so that is why you look like all happy and full of love ?" his friend teased him miming some air kisses.

" I don’t even know what you’re talking about ! "  Louis yelled from the kitchen glad his friend was unable to see his red cheeks "Do you want some tea I’m going to make me some ?". 

He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. Louis smiled at the picture of the cuddly toy he had won for Harry.

 

_Lou is save as you can see, he has been quite quiet for now but I think he enjoys my company. Thanks for the afternon. – Haz_

_Who wouldn’t enjoy your company Haz ? What are you doing ? – Lou_

 

"Smiling again as I see ?" he heard in his back.

"Ok don’t scare me like that Nialler it’s not funny" Louis scolded pouring some water in the kettle.

"So, what about Harry ? " Niall looked at Louis with his "tell me tell me tell me" eyes.

"I told you I didn’t know what you were talking about ! We are friends end of the story." Louis answered nervously his stomach almost.

"When the last time you cuddled me on the couch ?"

"What ? Never ! Are you seri…. "

"Exactly" Niall cried out proud of himself. " _I just want you to know that whatever it is, I’m ok with it mate_ "

"Niall, you know more than anyone that it’s not possible. Even if I felt something, it’s not going to happen because of her ok ?". Facing the sad face of his friend, Niall gave up and went back to the living room while Louis walked to his bedroom. He felt on his bed, thinking about the afternoon. He had held Harry’s hand, he remembered the smell of his curls, the softness of his skin. Ding Ding.  

I _n my bed, going to watch a movie, took Lou with me. This one doesn’t snore ! – Haz_

_What ? I do not snore. That’s not true ! Getting slightly jealous over here ! – Lou_

_Don’t be jealous, he is soft, but you are softer – Haz_

Harry hit his head suddenly realizing how stupid he sounded. Louis was just teasing him nothing more. He couldn’t just say that to his straight friend. What was wrong with him ! What if Louis thought he was a freak or something ? Even if it seemed like forever, they had only known each other for less than a month. Harry wanted to be more than a friendship but this, whatever this was, was enough.

And flirting like that was too risky. Harry couldn’t loose Louis.

_No, you’re softer – Lou_

 

Was Louis flirting with him ? Harry shook his head, Louis was just teasing again, no doubt about it. But a little bit of playing had never hurt anyone.

 

 _After a night sharing a small couch my bed seems way too big_ – Haz

 

 

Harry was missing him. Louis didn’t know what to think about that. Well, to be honest he knew but it didn’t know if it was, right. He hadn’t stop thinking about him since he had left him if he was being honest and it was nice that Harry was thinking about him as well. So for once, he decided to stop overthinking.

_Is that a way of saying that you miss me ? I’m flattered  – Lou_

_Kinda, but it’s the movie’s fault ! – Haz_

 

_Don’t tell me you are watching Bambi again ? You know you become emotional. And now I feel used, You just want someone to wipe your tears =) – Lou_

_Would you do this ? wipe my tears I mean ? – Haz_

 

_You know I would babe. I gotta go, Niall is here, again. Sleep tight, and see you tomorrow. – Lou_

 

 

And Louis just called him babe. Harry checked again and again the message to be sure he was not just imagining it. But Louis really called him babe. He knew his friend was joking but a small part of him wonder " _what if he was not ?_ ". He felt some butterflies in his stomach, put his phone on his night stand and looked back to the movie as Thumper was ice-skating.


	2. Chapter 2

Louis was trying clothes in front of the mirror. He was freaking out to meet Harry’s friends but he was also worrying about something else. For the first time this afternoon, he had seen the boy in a corridor close to his mum’s room. Since, he couldn’t stop wondering if he knew. Louis didn’t want Harry to know. No, Harry didn’t know, he would have told Louis for sure, wouldn’t he have ?

As he could read his mind, the Irish boy surprised him with "Why don’t you want Harry to know about your mother ?".

"Niall please stop doing this, sneak up on people like that." Louis looked at his friend waiting for him to split something so Louis gave up. " I’m tired of being known as ‘’the boy with a sick mother ‘’, I’m not saying that for you Nialler but, I want Harry to like me, not pity me"

"So… you want him to like you ?" the blonde boy asked.

"As a friend, to like me as a friend. We already talked about it Niall Harry is my friend." Louis answered in a sigh turning back to the mirror.

"Yeah, sure… that’s why you have been changing your t-shirt twice already" Niall said with a wink before leaving the room and leaving

Louis with himself in front of the mirror.

He couldn’t find the best outfit. " _You’re being stupid Louis, it’s not a date you are just going to meet Harry’s friend not a big deal._ "

Louis tried to convince himself. But it was indeed a big deal. Even if they had known each other for weeks, he didn’t know much about the younger boy. He couldn’t stop worrying about it. What if they didn’t like him ? It was stupid to think so, none ever hated him. He was really outgoing and could joke about practically anything and what he will be wearing wouldn’t matter. He was late anyway so he just grabbed his Toms, run down the stairs, wished a good evening to Niall and jumped in his car. 

_I’m on my way Haz, sorry to be late – Lou_

Harry smiled at the message. He was sitting in a booth with Liam while Zayn was buying their drinks.

"Could you please not embarrassed me tonight. Please. I beg of you" he asked with a begging smile.

"How could we do that mate !" Liam said almost upset.

"So, Where’s your sexy boyfriend ?" Zayn shouted with a grin, hands full of bottles.

 "See !" Harry complained to Liam while the raven haired boy was laughing proud of himself.

"Zayn, do not embarrass Harry in front of his boyfriend tonight" Liam lectured him as a dad would to to his son. Zayn only answered by pulling his tongue out. 

"Guys, I told you, Louis is not my boyfriend. We are only friends, that’s all" Harry whined.

"But you totally fancy him right ?" Liam said trying to ignoring Zayn clearly in a teasing mood tonight and was now doing air kisses to him.

Harry took a sip of beer before answering "He is straight, end of the story"

Seeing that his friend didn’t want to talk about it any more, Liam gave up and punched playfully Zayn on the stomach making him miss his mouth and split beer on his shirt.

Even though to see his mates fighting was pretty distracting, Harry was still in his thoughts. Louis was straight for all he knew and he had decided that he should move on, stop hoping for whatever he had hoped for and only be Louis’ friend. But the vision of the boy entering the bar, shattered all his resolutions as if by magic. Toms at his feet, he was wearing a really tight black pant with a white t-shirt and suspenders. He was ridiculously hot. Harry couldn’t ignore the tickles in his stomach and how the chocolate sweeping haired boy lighted up his world as he was walking towards his both.

"Lou ! " he greeted him with a wide smile on his face before pulling Louis in for a hug as the boy sat next to him.

"Hey Haz" Louis muttered, his face buried in Harry’s neck.

"Get a room" Zayn shouted with a mischievous smiling meeting a punch on his tight from Liam. Whoever, the two boys to unwrap their arms and pulling back. Harry, red cheeks gestured towards his friends.

"Erm… yeah right… Louis, this… this is my friend Liam " Harry mumbled "and I don’t know this one he was just there pretend he does not exist please". Zayn faked to be hurt before pulling out his tongue at Harry’s.

"Nice to meet you guys, both of you" Louis said, charming as usual "How about me buying the next drinks ? " he said with a wink.

"I love you man" Zayn said reaching for Louis’ face and kissing him on the cheek meeting a jealous gaze from Harry.

 

The first 10 minutes had been a bit awkward but now, the four boys were having a blast, joking and teasing each other as they had been friends for ages. Harry was happy even if he had to ignore the smirking smile of Zayn every time Louis was squeezing his hand while telling something they had done together or every time he would move to be seat really close to Louis. So close that he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

"Sorry, need to answer" Louis excused himself before heading to the restroom.

Harry followed him with the eyes, trying hard not to stare at his bum but shamefully falling.

 

"Wow, Harry you are totally head over heels for this guy" Liam said

"Yeah mate, it’s so obvious it’s painful to watch you know, I have to drink a lot not to throw up" Zayn continued.

"Charming" Harry said quite disgusted. " don’t know what to do Liam"

"Well all I know is that Louis looks at you like you are the most interested thing he’s ever seen. Maybe you could make him understand how you feel, try something ? " Liam was right, Harry had to try but he need to figured out what to do.

He was still wondering when Louis came back to their table.

"Hey Haz, guess what !" Louis said poking the young boy in the cheek. God Harry liked him.

"What Lou ?" Harry asked padding his friend back as he sat next to him.

"This place is open mic tonight !" meeting an puzzled Harry he continued "You know they leave a microphone and people can sing"

"Like a karaoke" Zayn cut him off. "Harry totally should try that, you should listen to him Louis, he is a great singer !"

"Yeah Harry, try something" Liam continued accentuation at the end of his sentence.

Harry stood up, walked to the stage, whispered something to the Dj and grab the mic in front of his three astonished friends. He looked at Louis as the song began.

 

 _Someone is waiting_  
_Someone who understands exactly how you feel_  
_Exactly how you feel.._  
_Someone is dreaming_  
_Someone is hoping just that this will be the day_  
_That this will be the day.._  
_That you take your eyes off the ground_  
_Out of the blue_  
_And see that someone is looking right_  
_Back at you.._

The whole bar was now listening to Harry but they were all invisible. The only one he could see was Louis, who was watching him closely, not missing a word falling from his lips.

_Maybe that someone's me_  
_Maybe it's meant to be_  
_Lovers, strangers_  
_Sometimes bombs fall quietly.._  
_Maybe it's chemistry_  
_Maybe it's hard to see that someone is the right one_  
_I hope that someone is me.._

 

There was something in Louis’ stare, in Louis’ face, something weird. He seemed to be torn. He was smiling but his eyes were sad.

_Nobody's perfect_  
_Nobody's perfect no one really knows the truth_  
_All we've got's a point of view.._  
_And there's too many questions_  
_There's too many questions and too many reasons not to try_  
_There's too many reasons not to try.._

 

Louis couldn’t believe Harry was singing. Was he singing to him ? No, it was just a song, he had choose. His friend was not serenading

him. Or…was he ?

 

 _But you should take your eyes off the ground_  
_Out of the blue_  
_And see that someone is looking right_  
_Back at you.._

  
Louis was fighting an inner battle. The only thing he knew was that he couldn’t stop staring at the curly boy. He felt strange, he had goose bumps, it was like he could just drown in his green eyes. He needed to escape…

 

 _Where ya gonna go from here??_  
_Cause everything you need's out there_  
_And you can have it if you dare_  
_If you dare_  
_There's someone somewhere.._

 

As Harry sang the last lyric, the bar was speechless for a spit second before greeting the performance by standing ovations and loud cheers. The boy walked to the booth with a wide smile as his friends congratulated him. Louis was quite, eyes utterly expressionless, clenched fists. And without a word, he stood up and left the bar under the puzzled gaze of Harry.

 

 

Louis couldn’t take it any more. His blood was running so fast in his veins, his heart was skipping beats as Harry was singing. He was screwed, he knew it. He felt things for the boy he shouldn’t be feeling right now. It was not the moment. He knew he wouldn’t have been able to keep himself from holding Harry, from cuddling him as he had the day before at the fun fair. It was wrong. He had to stay away from him that’s why he had just flee. He knew it was rude but it was for his safety, Harry’s and her’s…

He jumped in his car ignoring his friend calling him from behind. He turned the keys and pressed the foot pedal to accelerate but there was Harry standing in front of the car hand on the bonnet top looking at him with a lost gaze.

Louis looked at him trying to make him move with a gesture of the hand but the curly boy didn’t moved. They stared at each other for a spit second and Harry could see the angst in Louis’ eyes. They stood there, Louis in his car Harry in front of him preventing him from driving away, eyes piercing, neither willing to be the first to back down.The older boy had his hands on the wheels, white fists.

Harry wouldn’t give up, he needed to know what was happening. An explanation that Louis’ couldn’t give him.  So he got out of the car, leaving the door open, walked towards Harry never breaking eye contact. He stood in front of him, Harry winced. They remain speechless for what seemed an eternity. And suddenly Louis leaned in and kissed him. Louis could feel his blood rushing, his lips burning as they were perfectly moulding with Harry’s. His left hand went to the curls when Harry’s right hand held Louis’ waist. It was a angry kiss yet it wasn’t messy, it was gentle, it was perfection.

Then Louis pulled away, trying to catch a breath.

"Sorry" he said before jumping in back in his car and disappeared trough the dark.

Harry stood there alone and breathless in the parking lot, his touching his lips still on fire.

 

 

 

Louis had been a jerk, he knew it. He screwed big time. He had to leave the bar, not because he was mad, but because he was afraid to jeopardise the relationship they had. Because listening to Harry’s voice made him feel things. Things he tried so hard to ignore.  He needed to get his head straight but he had screw. He had kiss a boy, his friend. His straight friend. What worried him the most was that he never kissed someone like that. It was a spit second but it seemed an eternity and it seemed right. But he knew it was wrong. He couldn’t let this happen, not now. So he decided to send the boy a text, not even checking the time. 

_Haz, I’m so sorry. I think I owe you an apology, I don’t know what happened to me tonight. I was drunk, I know it wasn’t an excuse but... I’m sorry. Are we… Ok…? – Lou_

 

He held his breath waiting for an answer. He was panicking. What if Harry couldn’t forgive him ?

_Yeah sure, no problem. Have a good night Lou =) – Haz_

He sighed, sprawled on his bed. He didn’t know if it was really all right with Harry but he decided that he could not let such thing happen again. It was a bit selfish he knew it but he couldn’t risk loosing Harry over something he wasn’t sure to feel.

Because of all this reason, the first thing he did in the morning was to call the one he should have talked to from very beginning.

_« Hey, it’s me. I really need to see you. Can we met at the hospital around 11 ? Missed you too. See you »_

 

 

 

When he entered the hospital that morning, Harry was just happy. He felt lighter than he had in weeks. He was going to meet Louis later, and talked about what happened last night. How Louis had kiss him. Harry didn’t knew how much he had wanted it until feeling Louis' lips on his. He wasn’t scared any more. What he had felt was right, more, it was shared. He was falling in love with Louis and now it was crystal clear  He took the elevator smiling like a mental still in heaven, he shouted hello to everyone meeting the gazed look of many nurses. He grabbed his scrub and walked to meet his first patient of the day.

Like a sign of fate, it was Louis' mum. He was happy to see here even if wasn’t supposed to know Louis. He took a deep breath as he walked to the corridor leading to the room 6528. When he was about to push the door, he froze suddenly, hearing voices coming from the room.

He immediately recognized Louis' light voice and his mum as well. But there was another voice, a girly one. He carefully watch through the viewing window on the door. As he guessed, Louis was here, his hair perfectly styled and wearing the bright red pant Harry fancied so much. Next to him, a brunette, holding his hand, finger intertwined. Smile falling from his lips, Harry felt his heart skipped a beat, before breaking.

  
  
After leaving his mum, Louis gave Eleanor a ride back home. He hadn’t seen her in days, weeks maybe, he realized that when he walked into her flat and it didn’t feel like home any more. Sure,  Louis cared about her, he never meant to hurt her. He felt so guilty for kissing Harry. He had never been the unfaithful guy and now he felt so guilty he couldn’t look at himself on the mirror. He tried to convince himself that he only had kissed Harry because he was lonely, nothing more. Eleanor had been his girlfriend for two years now, it was perfect, really, but with his mum's sickness he had pushed her away. He didn’t want her pity. He had kiss Harry because he missed being with someone. But he wasn’t lonely, he was in a relationship. That’s why he had called her, decided to make things worked again. And taking her to the hospital was a way to prove her he cared about her and their relationship. But now, being at her place felt wrong.

Cuddling her felt wrong.

"Do you even listen to me Lou ?" Eleanor asked looking at him. Louis frozed at his nickname.

"Sorry El, I was...  I was away... I am tired sorry" he answered rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

"Are you ok Lou ? " she asked trying to read his mind.

"Yeah, no problem El, everything is fine" Louis said, avoiding her glance.

"Ok. I’m so glad that you called me Lou. I was worried that something was wrong between us. I missed you so much" she confessed her eyes watery. Louis felt so guilty, he just came close to her, pulling her for a hug and patting her hair.

"Everything is going to be ok now El, I promise." He said trying hard to ignore the pain he felt.

He was lying. Something had changed. Harry happened. But he wasn’t gay for god sakes. So he decided to take the control of his life, and start acting like El’s boyfriend like he had always been. It’s not like Harry fancied him anyway. The curly boy made it clear last night, saying they should just forget about what happened.

 "I got an idea, why not going out Friday night ? Like we used to, with Niall. Oh and you could ask that friend of yours you told me about to come… Harry right ?"

Louis was taking back to hearth at the boy’s name.

"What… ? " he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"Not listening to me again are we ? Was just saying, let’s go out, have fun and I want to meet Harry ! He seems to be a good lad !" Eleanor said with a wide smile which almost virtually punch Louis in the face.

"Oh I’m not sure he will be free, but, I’ll ask him ok ? In fact I have to meet him later so I’ll just ask him" Louis answered slowly trying to ignore the tickle in his stomach when he thought about meeting Harry.

Eleanor looked satisfied at Louis’ answer and sighed curling into him.

 

 

Last hour at work had been a proper torture for Harry who just wanted to be at home. His body was weak, he felt sick. He wasn’t able to think properly. Louis was straight. And he definitely had a girlfriend. He was just there, lying on the couch, doing nothing but the vision of their finger intertwined kept showing up in his mind. He just felt like throw up right now. He stared blankly at his phone when he rang. It was Louis, again. He was supposed to meet him. Of course the older boy didn’t know that something was wrong and he kept calling and sending texts all the night.

 

_Haz, are you ok ? Send me a text or call me back when you got it ok ? – Lou_

_Seriously Haz what is going on ? Did you forget about our date, rude ! – Lou_

_Why aren’t you answearing? – Lou_

_Please Harry, I’m worried about you – Lou_

 

Harry felt guilty for not answering, but he couldn’t do it right now. He needed time to go back to just being friend with Louis. He couldn’t tell Louis that he was heartbroken.

_I don’t understand, what happened Harry?  - Lou_

_Are you mad at me ? I thought we were ok. Is it about what happened ? I didn’t mean it to happen. Please forgive me ? – Lou_

He couldn’t tell him he wasn’t mad about the kiss. He couldn’t tell him he was sad because it would never happen again.

_Please if you are alive and just don’t wanna talk to me just say « I’m ok » or something. Please ? – Lou_

_Answer me I won’t bother any more I just want to know you are ok. I just need to know that you are alive – Lou_

_Please – Lou_

He couldn’t do this any more. Harry reach his phone and just answered.

_I’m ok – Harry_

_  
_

Harry knew he couldn’t avoid Louis forever because he was his friend more than anything else. He would have to talk to him. He was not supposed to know about his girlfriend so he could understand why Louis was worried .That’s why 4 days later he was sitting at the cafeteria, waiting for Louis. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw him, his face hiding under his hoodie just like the day they met. They both knew they needed to tell something. Something that had been missing from the first day, truth.

 

" Hey Haz" Louis said shyly, carefully pulling the chair to seat in front of Harry.

"Hi Lou" he said blushed looking down to the table. "So I think we need to talk right ? "

Louis nodded looking at him with soft eyes. They shared a glanced, not able to speak. Harry took a deep breath and started.

"Well, first about the…about what happened last time… it doesn’t matter really. I’m not mad at you. Not at all. As you said you were slightly drunk and people always do things they didn’t mean when they're drunk. No big deal” Louis looked at him, twiddling his thumbs nervously.  
"But the thing is… " Harry continued "I'm gay".

Harry looked at Louis nervously. Louis hadn’t see that coming. It caught him off guard and he was just here, staring at the curly boy in complete shock.

"Please, Lou, say something, anything. You won’t have to talk to me again ever if you don’t want to, but I just needed you to know" Harry continued trying to read Louis’ mind.

"No…no ! Of course I’ll still talk to you Haz. It doesn’t change anything. You are still one of my best friend" Louis finally said.

Harry’s shoulders slackened in relief as a new smile of gratitude spread across his face.

"But I need to know… You don’t… I mean you don’t have feelings for me, right ?" Louis continued slowly. Harry’s thoughts ran fast. He didn’t know what to say. Louis took him by surprise .

"No, of course not. You're not my type" he mumbled, red cheeks and lying.

"It’s ok then because I need to confess something… " the older boy started again. "I’ve being hiding something from you too. Well, not hiding but I didn’t say it cause I didn’t see the necessity but I guess you’ll understand why I freaked out about the… what happened. I’ve got a girlfriend" Louis admitted trying not to meet Harry’s eyes.

"Oh, that’s all ? I thought you were going to tell me you were a criminal or something" he joked trying hard to hide he was faking it. " So now that we said all we needed to say I guess we are fine ?" he continued.

"Yeah, I mean if you are ok ? Friends ? " Louis asked almost hopeful.

"Friends" Harry grinned.

They smiled at each other for ages after that, ignoring that it didn’t explain why Louis had kissed him, nor that he did kiss his gay

friend and how Harry was shamefully lying. But they would still see each other and that’s all that mattered. For now.

 


	3. Chapter 3

In fact, they even spent the night together as they used to. They were even closer than ever now that Louis seemed not to worry about what it might looked like. It looked like he could hug Harry as much as he wanted cause Harry knew he had a girlfriend. Harry knew it was affectionate, brotherly. Even if thinking about the older boy as his brother made him sick. And he found himself surprisingly really good at pretending.

He should have been a masochist or something to continue to see Louis, knowing that his feelings would always be one sided. But he couldn’t live without his laugh, without the way he would styled his hair, without his wide smile, the way the older would smirk after teasing on him. No, harry couldn’t live without him and well remain friends were still something. And he was sure the feeling will go away. Eventually. If he had to see the girlfriend to keeping him in his he life, then he would. No matter how it hurt. That was in that state of mind that he was now standing in front of his mirror trying tee shirts to wear for tonight. He was supposed to go to a club with Zayn and Liam while Louis was going with Niall and her... It sure would be awkward at first and it was more by curiosity than by pleasure that he had accepted the invitation but it will also be a night out with Louis and it was better than nothing. " _Maybe I’m going to meet someone there_ " he tried to convince himself throwing a black blazer on before leaving his flat.

 

 

  
Louis was relief that evening. Harry was still his friend and the kiss story was behind them. An old story they would probably laugh at later. It was just a moment of madness. Harry was his friend, only his friend and he was fine with it. As he was now waiting for Eleanor in his car, he tried to buried all the mixed feelings. How Harry saying he wasn’t in love with him had somehow smacked Louis right in the face. No, it wasn’t love. It couldn't be, he was straight. He was simply a bit perturbed by his mum sickness it wasn't even feeling anyway. He was straight, El was a cutie and he was just going to spend the night having fun with his friends.

Harry was already inside with Zayn and Liam when Louis walked into the club, followed by El. And even if he tried hard not to stare, he couldn’t help it. Harry looked so fine. His long torso in a white tee and a black skinny way too low an his non-existing hips. His curls were wild as if had just get laid. A thought that hurt Louis deep inside. He had almost forgotten El when she took his hand as they walked towards the booth.

"Hey mate" Zayn greeted him "who's the cutie?" he said with a wink.

"Hey Zayn this is my girlfriend, Eleanor" he introduced the brunette. Zayn looked at him with a puzzled gaze, so was Liam. Harry was smiling awkwardly.

"El this is Zayn, Liam, and Harry" he continued.

" Nice to meet you guys, Harry I heard a lot about you" The brunette smiled frankly.

"Yeah I bet you have" Zayn sneered at her before being cut off by Liam's elbow in the ribs.

"In a good way I hope" Harry joked, clearly faking it.

"Yes of course ! Its always « Harry did that, Harry said, » your famous" she continued. Everyone remain mute, Harry tried hard to keep is poker face.

"Niall is running late. How about grab some drinks" Louis said trying to alleviate some of the tension. Everyone nodded but only Harry stood up while Eleanor took his chair.

The two friends were at the bar looking at each other in the mirror in front of them.

"I'm sorry, this is awkward isn’t it ?" Louis said.

"No Lou don't worry, we are friends then I have to know you girlfriend right ? Really, I’m sure we are going to have fun." Harry tried to comfort him poking him on his arm.  
  
The little group gather really well. Liam as usual was charming, Zayn was joking around but still his eyes going from Harry to Louis, feeling the awkwardness between the pair. No, not awkwardness he thought, frustration. They were not touching each other as they used to, they were even avoiding any contact. But he saw Harry clenching his fists in frustration every time Eleanor was caressing Louis' neck or holding his hand.

The poor lad was bad at pretending. And surprisingly, Louis didn’t seem more comfortable, smiling but clearly not listening to his girlfriend, only shouting glances at Harry. Yes, his friends were in pain.

"Oh love, let’s go dancing I love this song" El yelled at Louis, pulling him by his sleeve on the dance floor without waiting for an answer. Harry looked at them going away and his smile slowly disappear.

 

" Ok mate, what the fuck is that ?" Zayn started.

"Oi language Zayn! But yeah what is This" Liam continued. "I thought you guys were like, an item. I thought he was gay for god's sake".

" Yeah... me too" was the only answer Harry could give them.

"No seriously this girl need to fucking disappear." Zayn continued.

"It’s not that simple guys, ok? He asked me if it was ok, if we were only friends. And I said yes?" Harry blurted out.

"But clearly it’s not ok, is it ? Why would you say that when you clearly fancy him." Liam asked his friend with a soft tone trying to understand his logic.

"I can't loose him ok? Friend is better than nothing and well it’s only a crush, I'll not think about it in like, a week don’t worry. I'll move on! Actually I'll start right now and go dancing with that guy over there who has been staring at me since forever now" he said drink 3 shoots before as he stood up leaving his friends puzzled.

Harry had no idea of what he was doing. He surely was not the type to go straight to a man but he was the flirt after all. He was also slightly drunk, which helped. He was relief when the guy followed him on the dance floor. As they were dancing, he meet Louis' eyes.

Harry only led the guy in another area of the club to avoid his friend, and his girlfriend. He was decided to move on. So he started dancing closer trying to keep Louis away from his mind. It worked for 5 minutes before he meet Louis' eyes again, unreadable this time. He could swear he was following him and he could feel his eyes on him. He was mad. But Harry had lost lost any trace of rational thought. He let the alcohol take over and he let the other guy’s hand caught at his waist to trap them together. It was warm in the club and the music was loud. Harry was clearly in a second state and couldn’t see Louis’ cold gaze. They were rolling their hips together. It was hot and messy.

After three songs, he was feeling really dizzy and his his alcohol-infused body was not responding any more. He was suddenly taken back to heart by a furious whisper.

"What the fuck are you doing Harry" he could recognize the voice anywhere. It was Louis, looking at him in ... disgust ? no it was something else but wasn’t sure what it was. 

"You’re making a fool of yourself right now, you are drunk you don’t know what you’re doing" he hissed his voice cold and keen.

"Hey mate not your business ok ?" the guy yelled at Louis.

"Yeah loulou not your busi....bus...ness? Friends don’t stop friends to have fun " Harry giggled clearly drunk all sweating and his eyes empty.

"Go the fuck away ok?" Louis hissed to the guy puching him away and taking Harry by the hand.

The pair fled, passing by Liam and Zayn, puzzled. Louis froze as he felt the coldness of the outside but all he could think was Harry getting sicker and sicker as the moment. He hailed a cab and Niall was the one to get out of it.

"Hey mate what is... Oh" he cut himself as he saw Harry half passed, his head resting on Louis’ shoulder.

"Sorry Niall , talk to you later ok? " Louis said, before getting in the cab, holding Harry in his arms.

 

The drive to Louis' place seemed to take an eternity. Louis was furious but still holding Harry  in his arms. His curls were down and wet, he smelt bad cologne and alcohol yet he was still beautiful. Louis knew it was wrong but he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t deny it, seeing Harry dancing, touching this guy made him lose control. It was something he couldn’t stand. Harry was his. The harder he tried to ignore his feelings, the harder it punched him in the stomach. He was so angry seeing Harry, his Harry with someone else than him that had suddenly forget everything, even…

"El." he couldn’t believe it, he forgot about his own girlfriend as soon as she had left to go to the restroom. He really was in trouble.

But right now, with Harry’s head buried in his neck snoring slightly, every thing else seemed irrelevant to Louis.  
The younger boy only half opened his eyes as Louis laid him on his bed.

 

"Lou...?" he mumbled surprised. "What happened ?"

"Nothing Haz don’t worry, go back to sleep" Louis said softly patting his curls. He was definitely not in the mood for explanations right now.

"My head hurt... you’re staying here yeah.." he said hopeful before falling asleep.

Louis knew he should have go away from the younger boy and try to fix things with Eleanor. But he just pull off his Toms before lying down close to his friends, so close that some curls caressed his mouth. He would have a lot to deal with in the morning.

  
A morning that came way too fast for Louis as he was not even sure to have fall asleep when some rays of light woke him up. He felt an heavy weight on his chest and was almost choked to see a bunch of curls and an arm holding him tightly. He hadn’t the heart to wake up the poor boy still very much asleep and snorting. And not able to restrain himself any more, his hand was caressing his back softly and kissing the curls. After a spit minute he felt Harry giggle.

 

"It tickles! " he said his wide green eyes locked on Louis. The older boy only nodded smiling as well.

"Sleeping beauty is awake now ? "

"Hmmm… but my curls hurt so much. I think…I may have drank a little too much last night" he said rubbing his eyes before replacing his arm on Louis' chest.

"Oh really? What makes you think so ?" Louis grinned.

"Well, I don’t remember anything after taking shots" he paused a moment  "Oh and I’m fully dressed" he continued.

"What about that?" Louis said rising an eyebrow

"Well, I go commando !" Harry shouted clearly proud of himself.

Louis' laugh trying to ignore the heavy on his lower area at the thought of the other boy…naked. Both of them stop talking, Louis simply caressing Harry’s back who was soon asleep. Louis was following him in the arms of Morpheus when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.

 _Man what happened last night ? I saved your ass with El, saying Harry had felt sick. Don’t know if she bought it she was mad. Better call her soon. You own me a pizza- Niall_  
  
Louis smiled at the message. He was definitely going to pay Niall a pizza. He left the bed carefully and stared at Harry sleeping from the door frame before heading to the kitchen. He decided to call Eleanor later as right now he didn’t really know what he could say. _"I left you alone in a club because I was mad at Harry for dancing with another guy"_ or " _I forget about you when Harry is here"_ or _"I want you away"_ . He pushed the idea away and decided to cook Harry some eggs and bacon. Or better they he tried. He was was struggling badly when he felt a breath on his neck.

" Wow you are bad at it Lou"

"God Harry how can you be that tall yet so sneaky" Louis said trying to catch his breath.  
Harry didn’t answer, reaching for the pan. Louis froz as Harry’s hand touched his wrist. " _What is wrong with you Louis for god’s sake"_ he thought before walking away from his friend.

"Are you feeling better Haz ? Do you need a pill or anything ?" he asked truly worrying.

"I’m fine Lou, You did enough. I’m the doctor around here and the doctor said everything is fine. The headache is only a painful reminder to stop drinking when I can not handle it ! You are a fit nurse tho" he said in a wink.

The two boys eat their breakfast ignoring the world, and last night event and even pretending to be unaware of their legs tangled under the table.

Sleeping with Louis was now like routine. Not something you are used to and do without even thinking, cause no, Harry was definitely thinking about it. It was a routine like feeling at home. But they weren’t an item, Harry knew it. They would just fall asleep watching a movie on the couch and ending sleeping there. But it was enough for Harry. The moments he spend with Louis were the happier. Most of the time, when Louis was away, or with his girlfriend, Harry felt miserable. It felt like karma was punching him back to heart, showing him that Louis was not his. Harry knew he needed to go away from Louis for his own good but he couldn’t help it.  He was now spending time with the couple on regular basis but even if Eleanor was sweet, he just wanted her to go away. He knew it was selfish, he should be happy to see Louis.. well, happy, but there was something in Louis’ gaze when they were all together that was wrong. Was it about him ? or her ? He didn’t really know and wasn’t sure if he actually wanted to know. And even if he had to see the girl, he loved how Louis managed to give them some « Hazza and Lou » time. It wasn’t without some texts from Eleanor thou but it was still sweet. And well, Harry was feeling a little more happy knowing that Louis was planning his birthday surprise party. Which wasn’t a surprised any more, thank to Niall and some food reward. The Irish lad was pretty easy to bought.

When he met Louis at the cafeteria hospital that day, he pretended not knowing a thing about the party. Just because Louis seemed so happy about it, he couldn’t ruined it. He smiled at the boy, sitting at their table, the same table they were the first time then speak to each other, a first time that seems years ago.

"Hey Lou" He almost yelled before looking around and meeting odd looks. "How are you ?" he continued his voice much low.

"Hey Haz, greet mood I see ! What is this about ? Is this someone’s birthday on Saturday ?" Louis greeted him a wild grin on his face before taking a sip of his drink.

"Really ? Who ? Do I know him ? " Harry joked pulling his chair and smiled at the older boy.

"You are going to be a big boy !" Louis smirked "but be careful, I wouldn’t want your beautiful face to have wrinkle on it"

"I’m not going to have wrinkle !" Harry started before realising "Did you just called me ... beautiful ? "Louis only answered by the most tender smiled he had.

 

 

 

Louis wanted Harry’s birthday to be just perfect. He wanted to show him how much he cared even if he couldn’t show his real feelings. Because even if he tried hard to buried it, he had feelings. So after visiting his mum, he sneaked in Harry’s flat on Saturday.

He was not really breaking in as he had a spare key but he had never been alone in the other boy’ flat. He had planned a « Lion King » party and looking at  the decorations one could swear it was a kid party but it suited Harry so well that Louis was rather proud of him. Absolutely nothing was missing, from the napkin to the plate. Well, only the alcohol could give Harry’s age away. Knowing that Niall could easily be bought by some food, he had lied to him about the place of the party. It was 7pm and Harry wouldn’t leave the hospital before 9pm and as he had all set up he decided to take a better look at the flat. Because even if he had spent a lot of time in the flat, he never really looked at anything else than Harry to be honest. He wasn’t the curious kind of guy neither but he wanted to know more about his friend. The flat was rather small so he had quickly saw everything. A few pictures were hanging on the wall. One of Harry with what looked like his mum and his sister, one of him in a scrub a stethoscope wrapped around his neck and he truly looked like he was disguised but he was still so beautiful, Louis thought. And the last one on the night stand was actually of the two of them, taken at the fun fair some weeks ago. He couldn’t keep a smile as he softly touch the dimple of Harry one the glossy picture. He didn’t really know how, but he was now in the other boy’s closet and smelling his clothes. He couldn’t believe he was such a creep, he felt so guilty that he literally jumped when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket.

 _Lou!! You tosser, you fucking lied to me!! I’m at your flat and it looks nothing like a surprise party- Niall_  
  
_Sorry mate but i couldn’t have you ruined it. Tell the lads to come over Harry’s at 8pm. And don’t be late_ \- Louis

Louis put his phone back in his pocket and reached at the other one to be sure he still had Harry’s gift. It was an important part of Harry’s perfect birthday that Louis had planned. He was a bit remorseful as he had make sure that Eleanor wouldn’t come at the party pretending it was an "boys only" one. It wasn’t entirely false but it wasn't true. He just didn’t have the strength any more to be with Harry and her at the same time. He knew she was still a bit mad about that night at the club, not that she was mad at him thou. After that night, they had made up and everything was fine between them. If she had felt that he was weird, she hadn’t say a word. In another hand she was definitely giving Harry the cold shoulder and he really didn’t want that at the birthday party. Tonight was Harry’s night and he was the only one he could think of. He was the only one he could think of each minute of each day but Louis tried to ignore it. He was definitely not going to ruin their friendship over some kind of crush.  
  
As promised, Niall followed by Liam and Zayn knocked on the door at 8 o’clock to help Louis with the food as he wasn’t really the best cook in town. Liam and Niall were cooking some tacos and fajitas while Zayn and Louis were watching tv in the living room.

When they heard the sound the elevator they all froze and hid except for Louis.

Harry opened the door careful and jumped at the sight of his friend standing in his very own living room.

"Lou....? Why aren’t you at your place ?" Harry said as he stared at him in complete shock.  
"Happy birthday Babe !! I knew Niall would spat it ! Welcome at your surprise part..." Louis was cut off by a hug.

Surprised at first, he managed to wrap his arm around Harry’s back and they stayed like that for what seemed an eternity before pulling apart at the sound of a light cough coming from Liam. Much less subtle was Niall greeting them with a "go get at room" which obviously made the two boys blushed heavily.

  
"Hey guys" Harry said ignoring Zayn’s pointed smirk.

"Why are you wearing your scrub Haz ?"  Louis asked pulling at the fabric. Harry blushed rubbing the back of his neck.

"I… I didn’t want to be late" he said suddenly shy. "I’m going to put on a t-shirt" he said as he fled to his bedroom.

"Hurry up I’m starving" Niall yelled crashing on the couch.

  
Harry was struggling to take off his scrub and put a shirt one as his hands were shaking. He couldn’t believe Louis planned a real surprise party, a Lion King surprise party for god’s sake. He was so lost in his thought that he didn’t hear the door opened and Louis walking in the bed room.  
  
"You could have been late babe, it’s your birthday"  Louis said behind him smiling in the mirror. "I wouldn’t have mind."  
  
"Well, I would have ! I missed you crazy, it’s been two days since we last saw each other" Harry tried to joke, knowing at the pain he felt in his stomach that it really missed Louis.

  
"Ok I’m done ! Let’s go party baby !" Harry shouted out.  
  
"Haz wait !" Louis said wrapping his wrist and padding the bed with the other hand.

Harry looked at him confused but sat down next to him. They were now really close, so close their tights were touching and he could almost feel Louis’ breath on his cheek as he started talking again.  
  
"I want to give you your gift now, while we are still alone." He said pulling a small box out of his pocket. "I hope you'll like it" he said almost in a whisper.

Harry opened it carefully and looked at the piece of jewellery. It was a leather bracelet.

"I love it Louis ! Oh there is a little signs inside. What is it ?" Harry said as he looked closer at the odd writing engraved in the leather.

"I don’t know to be honest, I found it in a small antics shop. Let’s hope it doesn’t say "I love you Johnny" he laughed.  
  
"Thank you so much Lou " Harry said as wrapping his arms around Louis’ waist and pulling him closer.

The simple touch send bump goose trough Harry’ body and even more when Louis buried his face into Harry’s neck. They remained wrapped together for a moment, Harry’s hand going up and down on Louis’ back. He wondered if he felt how warm he was, how strange it felt to be like this, how normal it felt.

 

"Just open the door" someone whispered behind the door.

"Maybe they are…you know…doing it ?" another voice said.

"What ? I don’t know… I can’t hear anything…maybe they are… oh my god…" a third voice said with excitement.

"We can hear you, dickheads" Louis yelled smiling back at Harry.

 

 

 

"Let’s go check on the food mates" Liam smiled resting a hand on Niall’s shoulder.

Liam had stop trying to understand Harry and Louis’ relationship some weeks ago. There was something about them that couldn’t be explain, an odd dynamic. Definitely not brotherhood as he had first thought, it seemed somehow romantic. They  were so at ease with each other and he couldn’t ignore how happy Harry was around the older boy. Louis was also happy but he seemed more tortured.

Whatever was between them, they had to figured it out by themselves Liam thought.  
  
Speaking of the devils they had decided to leave the room and gather with the other boys but somehow they were still in their own bubble. They sat on the couch Harry’s legs on Louis’ lap and he was trying to grab with his mouth sweets Louis had been throwing at him. Liam could see how Harry's eyes were glued on Louis, following every movement, glued on Louis’ lips when he was speaking as well. He was the only one still noticing it as hand holding and leg entanglement became a standard for the other boys.

As Harry’s friend should have warn the younger boy to prevent a broken heart but as he caught Louis staring at Harry all night long, he just smiled. One have to wait and see.

 

  
Louis could be proud of himself, the party was a real success. Harry couldn't stop smiling. It wasn’t some wild party they just played video games, drunk a couple of beers and shots and laughed at Niall and Liam argument over « KFC or Nando’s ». Louis was glad that a real bond had grew between the 5 lads. But to be honest Harry was Louis' only concern tonight. He knew El had tried to call him as she send a couple of texts but he wasn’t in the mood to deal with it. Right now, with Harry giggling next to him, squeezing his tight every once in a while his whole mind was focused on his curly friend.  And he felt butterflies on his stomach as he looked at his bracelet on Harry’s wrist. By early morning, everyone was pretty drunk. Unsurprisingly, Harry was wasted and he had decided that it was funny to go on the balcony totally naked to shout out how much he loved tacos and sing the circle of life Simba being  now a bottle of vodka. And Louis could admit it, it was funny. Then Niall decided to close the French window, leaving a very naked Harry in the dark trying to cover his dignity and yelling harsh words to the irish boy dead laughing on the floor. After 10 minutes Louis let him in and Harry throw himself in his arms calling him his hero. It was time to end the party. After saying goodbyes to the boys, Louis walked into the living room and spotted Harry sleeping on the couch. As Harry was still naked he throw a blanket on him and he was heading to the bedroom when he felt a hand on his wrist. Without a word, Harry pulled him clumsy down the couch and used him like a teddy bear. It was by far the less comfortable position Louis had ever been to but he could feel Harry’s breath close to him and the thought of being separated from his bare skin by a tiny fabric drove him crazy. He felt his heart beats faster and faster. So fast that Harry raised an eyebrow.

   
"Are you ok Lou ? " he said his voice more huskier than ever.

  
"Yeah babe, only the alcohol running through my veins I think" he said his mouth getting dry as he felt Harry holding him tighter.

 

"Thank a lot for the party" Harry mumbled "and for the bracelet, it’s the most beautiful thing I ever had… I could never live without you Boo…".

" _Wait what ?"_ Louis thought. His palms went wet. Harry was drunk he didn’t know what he was saying.

  
"Me neither love, me neither… I love you" Louis heard himself say. He couldn't believe it. It was like words had just fled from his heart to his mouth. He couldn’t be in love. He just couldn’t, he had a girlfriend and  Harry was his best friend and would never love him like that. Did Harry heard him ? He was relief to see Harry’s eyes were closed and he was now snoring.

  
And they spend the night like that, body entangled as they used to. But this time Harry was naked and Louis was more confused than ever as he discovered that the smell of the other boy had made him hard... For the first time he realized that maybe he was not as straight as he thought. Or maybe it was just Harry.

 

   
          

 

The past few weeks had been really emotional for Harry. He struggled to cope with the fact that he had fallen hard for his best friend, a straight guy and with a girlfriend. And now, there was nothing else to do but wait for his feelings to eventually disappear. Because it would disappear, right ?

But most of all, what was bothering him was Louis’ two faces. With him, he was the "happy Louis" a real ball of joy, caring, funny, a bit mischievous. And there was the other one. The one he could only see through the viewing window on the door of his mother’s room. This version of Louis was exhausted, shattered, afraid and lost. There was nothing more he would love than wrap him in his arms, make his pain go away. He wanted to tell him everything was going to be fine and that he was loved. But he couldn’t because he wasn’t supposed know. He wasn’t supposed to be one of his mom’s doctors nor that his mother was sick. And he was heartbroken not being able to help Louis. All he could to was to work extra hours to cure Meg.  This woman was special. Not because she was Louis’ mum. Just because she was a strong woman. And he clearly could see how Louis had became that kind of man. Not once has she complained when he had been waking her for another check up or blood test. She was even joking around with the nurses. Meg was the kind of woman to truly care about others. So Harry should have know she was going to ask that day why he was sad.

"Well nothing major Meg, just love problems" He answered shyly. " I don’t want to bother you really."

"Harry, love problems are the worst. And see, the Tv doesn’t work anymore and it’s not like I’ve got some important meeting to attend. So I’m all yours, tell me everything."

Harry took a moment to think and as he knew that Meg was not going to let it go, he just spit out everything. Well, almost everything because obviously he wasn’t going to say it was about Louis.

"Basically, I’ve met someone, a friend, but now it’ like… more than a friend to me and I know It’s never going to be more than a friendship " he said looking down to the table, blushing.

"How a girl could be so blind to even give you a hard time ?"

  
His heart skipped a beat it and his mouth went dry, his mind racing to try and find a perfectly acceptable response. But there was just one perfect response. Truth.

  
"Actually, it ‘s… a boy… " he said  carefully waiting for Meg to react. And all she did was to smile at him. That was it. She was the only one to know now, except from Louis. He never really came out to Liam or Zayn, they had figured it out by themselves.  As he saw Meg still smiling, waiting for him to continue, he felt relieved. "I’ve met him a month ago but it seems I’ve known him forever you know… I didn’t mean to fall for him really He is incredible, beautiful on the outside but even more inside. He just make my life better."

"So did he kiss you? " She cut him off with a intrigued look on his face.

"Yes that one time after karaoke but it was a drunken, thing… you know he didn’t mean to." he said sadly.

"Actually I think that if you do that kind of things when you are drunk, it is even more meaningful" Harry sighted slowly.

"That’s what I thought. But I discovered he has a girlfriend.  So I told him to forget about the kiss that it was a drunken mistake nothing more. I didn’t mean it but I can’t loose him". He stopped talking and smiled at the floor. Meg remain silent, looking at him closely, waiting for more. "So…. here we are, me shamefully in love, spending time with him, and his girlfriend. Don’t take me wrong, I’m happy with him. We spend a lot of time together just the two of us. He even throw a party for my birthday. Really when we are together nothing else matter but I know this won’t work forever."

Meg reached his hand and smiled at him to comfort him.

  
"Listen son, I don’t know this boy,  but he seems to care about you in more than a friend way. Maybe he is just afraid as you are and need time to figure out his feelings as well. Especially if he has a girlfriend. Leave time to time and don’t lose hope sweetie. How could someone not love you ? "

"Come on Meg you only say that because I bring you tea and brownie when I shouldn't !" Harry joked as he gave her a cup of warm tea.

"What can I say you are a man after my own heart Harry." she winked drinking her tea.

 

A couple of minute later, when Harry was trying to fix the TV, someone knocked on the door.  Harry froze thinking it could be Louis. But he was relieved when the nurse slowly opening the door.

"Sorry to bother you, Can I talk to you Harry ?" she said somehow nervous.

"Excuse me meg, work is calling me! I'll see you later" he said as he closed the door following the blonde nurse.  
  
"What is going on ?" he asked, feeling a bit nervous as he catch the shifty eyes of the nurse

"Here…Miss Tomlinson’s scan result" she said, giving him a file, hand slightly shaking. Something was wrong. Harry knew it. His mouth went dry and he struggled to swallow as he read the report.

"Oh fuck" was the only thing he had been able to say before the nurse told him they were going to ring the closest parent... Louis.

 

  
  
Louis was still feeling guilty so he had agreed to go shopping with El. And even if he found himself smiling at Harry’s sweat short when they walked by the Topman window, he clearly couldn’t care less about what kind of top she should be wearing with her skinny jeans. But he smiled anyway, grateful that she had totally forgiven him for his lake of interest the past few weeks. His life was remotely normal again. He had a girlfriend who love him. Yet he still didn’t know what to do with the main thing in his mind, Harry.

He couldn’t help but think about it all the time. Wondering what he was doing. Who he was talking to. Jealousy, lust, love ( ?) all those feelings were mixed in his mind but he choose to ignore it for now and just try to enjoy his "normal life".

Sadly he knew deep down it wouldn’t last for long. And as a friendly reminder, he felt his phone began to vibrate in his pocket  and he saw the Id caller, seven letters which punched him in the face « HOSPITAL ».

" Louis Tomlinson speaking ?" he answered anxiously "oh god. I’m on my way ". He hang up and fled the crowed shop.

"Do you like this one Louis ?" Eleanor asked, leaving the fitting room only to realize that Louis had gone away without here, again.  
 

 

Louis drove as fast as he could, insanely fast. He run to the hospital and to the door left ajar. He was out of breath when he entered the room, facing a much of doctors and  his mother looking sad for the first time.

"Louis I’m sorry but…" Louis felt his heart stop beating and voices slowly becoming more and more distant, as if he was in fog. He knew they were talking to him but he couldn’t hear it. It wasn’t real. It had to be a nightmare, he was going to wake up. He needed to wake up.

It was weird, it was like being in a downward spiral to hell. His mom got sicker. The tumour was not in the lung as they had thought but somewhere in-between the bronchi, preventing air to make its way into the left lung which was atrophied. And now, the right lung was affected. From what he had managed to understand from all the medical jargon, they needed to re-open the bronchi by laser. But then again, it was a high-risk surgery. The doctor warned him, It could be failed and the chemo wouldn’t be effective fast enough.

"And what would happened then?" Louis managed to asked words almost stuck in his throat.

" Well, then both lungs will be atrophied and…" one blonde doctor answer from the back of the room.

"She will stop breathing..." Louis cut her off realizing what she meant. His mum would simply…die.

He looked at her who had been mute for the whole consultation. He tried his best to stop the tears from falling down as he wrapped his arms around her. Surgery was scheduled next morning and he wouldn’t be allow to see her till the evening. He kissed her and made his way out of the room. He avoided the cafeteria, and walked straight to the parking lot. He couldn’t risk to face Harry right now. To be honest, all he wanted was to be with him, to be in his arms and just forget everything. Because it was how he felt with his friend, peaceful. But he couldn’t, he didn’t want his pity. 

He jumped in his car, check at his phone and saw a couple of texts from Eleanor but throw it in the passenger seat. Without even thinking he was back to his flat and was relief to find Niall on the couch. It was now sunset and he was eating a pizza in front of some random TV show.

  
"Oh my god Cindy, Stephen doesn’t want you. What are you doing girl" Louis heard him yell at the screen while he was pulling of his TOMS. Without a word he sat on the couch next to him.  
  
"Hey mate what you are doing here ? It’s not that I don’t want you here of course, it’s your flat. But I thought you'd be with El " he said staring at the screen. When Louis failed at answering, he finally looked at him. "Lou something’s wrong ?" he asked worried.  
  
"My...my mum... surgery.. she could.. die… " he managed to say, voice croaked.  
Niall turned off the tv and wrapped his arms around Louis and the older boy broke into tears.  
  
"I’m not even allowed to see her before tomorrow evening Niall" he mumbled his face buried in his neck "Maybe this was the last time I talked to her" he sobbed, his tears rolling off his face.

"Don’t say that Louis, the doctors know their job right ? I’m sure everything is going to be ok." Niall said stroking his friend’s back to soothe him. And it worked because Louis had stop crying for now.  
  
"What am I supposed to do now Niall ? Pretend that everything is fine and get drunk ?" he said sniffing heavily.  
  
Niall pushed him away, big smile on his face.  
  
"Actually Louis, this is a good damn idea ! I know alcohol never solved anything, but it can help! I know Cher is throwing a party tonight, so free drinks. You can not say no to free drinks can you ?" Louis smiled at his friend’s and stood up. He took a minute to recompose himself and restyle his hair.  
  
"It’s better than to lay on the floor crying I guess"  
  
"That's the spirit" the Irish lad yelled fist pumping in victory. "Let’s call harry and.."  
  
"No !!" Louis almost screamed snatching Niall’s phone and the blonde lad just stared at Louis in a complete shock.

"What the hell Lou ?" he asked "I thought everything was fine between you two ?"  
  
"Yeah... but I don’t want him to see me like this. I’m a mess my eyes are puffy and all. And I wouldn't be able explain why. So no, I don't want to see him. Don’t call him please ?"  
  
"As you will, but you know you’ll have to tell him sooner or later right ?" he said pointedly.

"Later is fine" Louis suggested, already moving towards his bedroom. "I’ll get ready ".

Niall turned on the tv and grabbed the phone.

"Yeah ok I’m ordering another pizza, I really think they started to make it way too small ! and then to the party"

 

  
What was supposed to be a small gathering at Cher’s flat was actually a really big party. Music blasting, a bunch of strangers and alcohol was just what Louis needed tonight. As Niall was greeted by some random guy Louis didn't know, he just went straight to the table turned into bar, mixing some redbull and a dangerous amount of vodka. Louis wasn't an hardcore drinker but tonight, everything that could make him forget about the world was just fine.

With the heat in the room, the sweaty bodies every where and his fatigue, after the third drink Louis was rather drunk. With the alcohol buzzing in his veins everything was titled. It was warm and comfortable as if he had left all his worries on the doorstep. When he had finished to chat up some random girl, he started dancing like a mental and was now shouting out that he loved everybody in the room. Niall didn’t really like that. Not that it was weird for Louis to be so wild, it was pretty usual, but he knew something was wrong.

He took his phone out of his pocket and called the only one he knew could comfort Louis.

  
  
" _Hey it’s niall, I know it’s late but listen I think we have a problem, it’s Lou..._ "


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is gonna be more like 6 or 7 instead of 5 chapters I think. Also, I'll update on sunday !

Harry was waiting outside for a cab trying to ignore how cold it was. He was sleeping when Zayn called him. He didn’t catch all of it but he understood Niall had called to say Louis was in trouble. And he knew it must have something to do with his mom so in 5 minutes he was out of his bed, throwing a white plain t-shirt, a black hoodie which was actually Louis’ and skinny jeans. His hair were wild and he was still sleepy but it didn’t matter he wanted to be with Louis as fast as he could. After a 20 minutes ride, he was in front of the flat. He struggled to make his way into the crowed room but finally found Niall who pointed straight at Louis.

  
  
"Harry babyyyy !" Louis shouted over the music as he saw the curly hair in the crowd.  "What are you doing here. Well nevermind come dance with me."

Harry let him led them on the dance floor. He knew Louis was way to drunk and there was something wrong in the way he looked at him. But he was hot his fringe almost glued at his forehead, his white tee clenching his muscles and his braces, Harry couldn't resist. He just wanted him. So he decided to size the moment.  
  
"Just wait a moment ok ? I’ll go grab a drink it’s really hot in here" he said pulling a bit on his collar as he made his way to the bar.

"You are the only thing hot here" a voice whispered in Harry’s ears making him spilled some of his drink out.

He turned his head and meet Louis' blues eyes incredibly close and biting his lower lips.

Strangely, Harry was surprised at his friend behaviour but not uncomfortable. How could he be when the person he loved was flirting with him.

"Not bad yourself" he answered. Not thinking further, he drank his vodka in one go. "Let’s dance Lou !"  he continued surprised to see that Louis was even closer now. 

"Yeah, let’s dance, for now" Louis winked. 

After a couple of minutes, Harry wasn’t as drunk as Louis was but he was clearly dizzy and it strangely felt right. It felt right when the older boy slid his arm around his waist slowly. It felt right when he pulled him close. Seeing that he didn’t know what to do next, Harry took control. He pulled him even closer, his legs brushing against Louis’, hips bucking together. Harry’s curls were stuck on his face because of the sweat but it felt right to be this close to Louis. Without even thinking Harry was grinding himself against him, rolling their hips together, foreheads touching. They were staring at each other, wondering if the other one was also feeling all these butterflies in his stomach, his  burned in need of contact and his blood boiled all of the sudden. Their bodies seemed to mould together as they were moving to the music.

Louis was staring at his lips for a moment lost in his thought. Harry pushed a curl away from his eyes and felt Louis’ lips touching his own. He didn’t pulled away and Louis didn’t move, looking for sighs of dislike but Harry kissed him back. It was hot and desperate.  Louis’s hand made his way to the curls while Harry dug his fingers  into the older boy’s hipbone trapping their bodies together. All Louis could think was how incredible it felt to feel Harry’s lips against his, how he had missed it. How he need it, he need him. For the first time in months he felt complete. Harry moaned when he felt Louis’ throbbing bulge against his crotch, he couldn’t believe it. And he grinned against him enjoying the feeling that twitched in his jeans as well. They finally pulled away when they couldn’t breath any more. But they kept smiling at each other, bodies still incredibly close.

"But, what about El ? " Harry finally asked worried this would end up like their last kiss.

But Louis’ his eyes were not even a little guilty when he smiled at Harry.

"She’s not you" was all he said and it was enough.

"Let’s go home"  Harry said and Louis simply nodded in answer holding Harry’s hand and leading them out of the flat.

 

 

 

"Shirt, off" Louis groan into Harry’s Collarbone, finger failing at undressing the younger boy. "Want to feel you Haz, want all of you… come on"

"Shit Lou… yeah… yeah ok" Harry answered trying to take his shirt off as quick as possible while collapsing his lips to Louis’ again.

Even really drunk, Louis could feel Harry’s skin against his and it felt amazing, it felt like he was on fire and he couldn’t think.The only thing in his mind was HarryHarryHarry and moremoremore. He pushed Harry onto the bed, straddling him. Their bodies were dancing against each other’s, erection straining against their jeans. Louis put his hands on Harry’s chest slowly going down to his bulge teasing only to pulled down his jeans and pants. After months of unsaid words, feelings and frustration, it was just lips on lips, skin on skin. Soon enough they were both naked, erections rubbing each other, Louis grinding on Harry moaning mess under him.

Louis slowly pushed away sinking down to his knees, his hand wrapping around the base of Harry's cock.

 _"_ Stop teasing Lou _"_ Harry moaned barely breathing feeling way to weak under Louis’ finger and just losing it when Louis started to suck the tip of his dick. Louis sucked painfully slow, swirled his tongue around it before taking more of Harry making him just moan louder.

"Louis Wait. don’t wanna come like that, please" the curly haired whispered, tongue tied.

Louis let out of Harry’s cock with a pop, staring back in his now black eyes with the lust.

 _"_ I want you to fuck me Harry". Harry only whimperd in reply, pulling Louis to him again and kissing him fervently.

"You’re sure Lou… I mean… it's your first time and _"_

"I trust you… I know you won’t hurt me. I want it" Louis whispered, determinate as he stared at Harry’s fit torso.

"Yeah… yeah ok". Harry whispered, his lips now on Louis’ collarbone, sucking a love bite his hand stroking the older boy hard on.

"Gonna make you feel so good Lou". Louis spread his legs further while Harry reached for the lube reaching between Louis thighs to prep him. Louis’ body quivered when Harry’s fingers slip in and out deep inside him, slowly stretching him, Harry being as gentle as he could seeing it was Louis' first time.

"More Harry, need more" he said, breathless. "I’m ready, want you so bad… wanted you for so long". Louis moaned the burning slowly leaving place to pleasure.

"Want you too Lou" Harry managed to say and quickly shifted towards Louis legs. Never leaving Louis’ eyes he pushed slowly, inch by inch until his hips hit Louis’ ass. "You’re so beautiful Lou" he said leaning to kiss him, giving him time to adjust. Taking his moan as a sign, he pushed out and trust again, Louis arching in pleasure. "You feel so good Lou… oh my god" Harry murmured lips on Louis neck as he pounded faster into him, Louis’s pupil full blown with lust, lips partied as to speak but unable to, the only think existing being Harry inside him. "Not gonna last long Lou you're so tight" Harry moaned, trusting deep, hitting Louis’ prostate each time.

"Harry… touch.. touch me.. please… I need you to touch me " Louis whined out. Harry reached for his painfully hard cock, stroking it, fastening his pace. "Fuck Harry yeah faster" Louis breathed out.

Harry started fucking him faster making Louis to moan louder.

"I’m… I’m coming haz" he managed to say, body shaking, coming between their stomach. Louis tightened hard around Harry, making him reach his orgasm. He reached for Louis’ lips as he thrust one last time finally climaxing smiling into Louis’ mouth. 

 

 

 

 

When Louis opened his eyes, he was met by a light way to bright for his liking. His body was sore and he was already sporting a massive headache. It’s only when he looked around him properly that he realised this was not his room. After a couple of seconds, events from last night rushed back in his mind. He had got drunk and slept was Harry. He, a straight boy with a girlfriend, had sex, with his best friend, most definitely, a boy. "Shit" Louis whispered to himself, realising he was absolutely fine with it. What was not okay was the fact that he was now alone in the bed. He carefully stood up groaning at the cold floor. He reached for a sweatpants hanging on a chair and a sweater, smiling as it smelled like Harry. Slowly getting out the bedroom, his thoughts start to rush as he realised he was alone in Harry’s flat. What if he regretted what happened and left Louis, saving the awkward conversation, letting Louis doing a so called walk of shame by himself.  He felt tears forming in his eyes when he saw a couple of pancakes in the kitchen with a note next to the plate.

 _"Sorry Lou, had to go to the hospital, tried to wake you up but you told me to fuck off but I choose to make you breakfast instead. Hope that makes it up for leaving. There’s tea in the cupboard and pills in the drawer. PS : Your snoring is cute. PPS : so what are we now ?  Love, Haz xx_ ».

What were they now, that was the question but judging by his message Harry and him seemed to be on the same page. Sure Louis had been drunk when he had sex with Harry bu it didn’t fell like a drunken mistake. It felt, right, it felt like Louis' mind was finally at peace.

Harry making him breakfast, Harry’s fingers against his skin, Harry inside of him. Yeah, Louis could get used to that. He wanted that.

But before being Harry’s, he needed to break up with El. He took some advill before eating a couple of pancakes, hoping it would cure his hangover. He checked his watch. He wouldn’t be allowed to see his mum before 6PM, enough time to clear his mind and think, just think because he had no clue what to do now.  He heard his phone ringing back in Harry’s room. Slowly he stood up making his way to the bedroom, his breath hitching. Now days, his ringtone never meant anything good. He smiled sadly at how right he was when the name of Eleanor appeared on the screen.

 "Hey El" he greeted her, trying to be cheerful.

" _What the fuck Louis ? I’ve been trying to reach you for ages ! You didn’t answered any of my texts, neither did Niall. What is going on for god’s sake ?"_ Eleanor yelled not helping Louis’ headache.

"Yeah, sorry El, my… phone died ? _"_ he tried, bluntly lying before changing his mind. "Actually no El, that’s a lie. I didn’t reply because I didn’t want to. I’m sorry, you’ve done nothing wrong, it’s just that, I can’t do this, us right now. Not any more. I think you deserve someone that here for you. I can not be this person. I’m sorry I’m doing this over the phone, I’m such a coward but I needed this out. Don’t be mad El, please" he managed to say, speaking fast as if he was afraid it was now or never.

 _"Fuck You Louis Tomlinson"_ Eleanor yelled, before hanging up and strangely, despite feeling quite bad, he also felt lighter than ever, Harry being the only one in his mind, and his heart. 

_I'm yours, if you want me to be - Lou_

That was enough for now, now, Harry’s bed seemed appealing, a little nap before heading to the hospital seemed nice. Sleeping in sheets smelling like Harry.

 

 

 

Saying Harry was happy that day at work would be an understatement. As much as he hated leaving Louis this morning, he couldn’t be more delighted to wake up next to him, naked. Saying Harry almost had an heart attack when he had received Louis’ text around noon that day, would be an even bigger understatement. Louis wanted to be his. Louis wanted him. It was just so much more than Harry had hoped for that he almost didn’t know what do to. The only thing he was thinking of was leaving the hospital right now just to kiss Louis again and again. Sadly, it’s exactly that thought whom destroyed Harry’s little day dreaming. Louis’ mum had to undergo surgery that day and by now, she was in the recovery room. The surgery had been successful as they had reopened her left bronchus allowing air to the lung but they now feared that Meg would be to weak to heal. The next few hours would be decisive. He carefully entered the room after knocking on the door.

"Come in Harry, make yourself at home" Meg joked breathing painfully looking so small in the bed.

"Well, I see you didn’t leave your sense of humour in the surgery room darling" Harry winked, checking his vitals "but don’t speak to much you need to as much rest has you can catch right now."

 _"_ Oh come on Harry, I’ve been sleeping for ages now. And seeing you properly glowing makes me wonder. Did lover boy realised you were his soul mate now ?"

"Actually, he kinda did. Well we’re not at the I love you’s yet so no need to call him lover boy but… I think we are going be to be okay now, just being… us" Harry answered shyly feeling it a bit awkward to talk about Louis in front of his mum. Visibly satisfied with that, Meg slowly drifted back to sleep, the noise of the medical SRYFF being the only one left in the room. "Everything is going to be ok for you to Meg" Harry said.

 

 

 

Fresh and clean, almost not hungover anymore, Louis was early for the visit hour at the hospital. Being finally sure of his feelings for Harry had brighten his mood and was almost, full of hope something he hadn’t feel in a long time. He rode the elevator, smile not leaving his lips, avoiding Liam at the last minute in a corridor because he was feeling greet but absolutely not ready to explain why he was here to Harry’s friend just yet. He was greeted by the same blonde nurse as usual before heading to the waiting room. At 6 PM exactly, the blonde nurse allowed him to visit his mom after the doctors had left the room. He glared at the sign  6528 now way to familiar and pushed the door.

"So Meg, now all you have to do is rest, everything is going to be alright soon" Wait. Louis knew this voice.

Sure enough, Harry was next to his mum bed chatting happily.

"Harry ?" Louis asked shocked "What are you doing here ? "

"Lou… I.. I can explain" Harry mumbled visibly as shocked to see Louis as Louis was to see him with his mum.

Then Louis understood, Harry’s words slowly making sense.

"You know don’t you ?" Louis said, voice hitching. "You knew all along" he said, more to himself than to Harry. "Oh my god. That’s why you kept talking to me ? Fuck you Harry Styles. You know what ? I don’t need your fucking pity. I’ve had enough of that shit. I surely don’t need that from you".  Louis screamed realising Harry didn’t want him, he just pitied the poor little boy who’s mum was sick.

"No Lou I didn’t know at first I swear" Harry tried to defend himself.

"When did you find out ?" Louis asked coldly, Harry looking at his shoes. "Fucking answer to me Harry, When did you find out ?"

Harry winced before finally speaking, avoiding Louis’ angry stare "When you gave me your number".

Lou couldn't believe Harry had played him like that. He fucking broke up with his girlfriend for him when he was just a charity case for the boy.

"Get out of this room Harry"

"Lou"

"GET OUT " Louis snapped turning his back. When he heard the door shut behind him, finally letting his tears to fall down his cheeks properly sobbing as his knee hit the floor. 

 

After what felt like a eternity, tears started to stop. « Co _me on Louis, stop acting like a child. You need to think about what matters and what matters now is you mother_  » he thought as his stared landed on the large bed

"I’m sorry mum"

"It’s ok son, but would you mind if I asked what the hell happened ?"

"Nothing that matters, you’re the only thing that matters" he said sitting on the bed next to her.

"What matters to me Louis, no matter what , is how you are and right now you’re a mess love" his mother said finger brushing his cheek. 

Louis tried to fight back his tears, he needed to.

"its gonna be ok, everything is gonna be ok" he said, more to himself than to his mother.

That night, when Louis left the building his mood was down again and once again he felt a ache on his chest as if someone was sitting on it. He avoid the cafeteria at all cost, heading back to his flat hoping Niall wouldn’t be here cause right now, he couldn’t deal with anything. Or anyone. It was just him and his misery, once again.


	5. Chapter 5

"Louis you're a dickhead, just answer your god damn phone the lad has been calling for hours now" Niall begged hands on his ears trying to forget about the repetitive ring tone.

Louis only glared at him before looking back at the celling and pretending not to hear it. He hadn't move from the bed since he came home. He couldn't move. His body was at the same time empty and the heaviest it has ever been. His legs were not his anymore and all he could feel was a ache in his heart. Anger. It must be anger. How Harry be such a liar. After everything. He was angry with himself because now he had lost his girlfriend, lost his best friend and the time he spent with Harry was less time with his mother.

Now he will be here for her, where he always should have been. Niall was still yelling in the other room, trying to get Louis to answer the phone or talking with someone, Louis didn't know who. He needed to get out here, get his mind straight. He need fresh hair. He got out of his bed but an old pair of Toms and left the room with a last glance to his phone, ringing. 

Not even caring it was February and still very cold, Louis wandered in the streets. He didn't know what time it was but the shops where closed and no soul was to be seen. Some snow flacks began to fall softly dying on his face. Even if he was only wearing a t-shirt he couldn't feel the cold slowly to possess his body, slowing his pace and hitting him like thousand of needles. He couldn't feel anything. Just his thoughts too heavy.

He wasn't sure where he was going, he smiled has he walked by the coffee where he went for the first time with Harry, the bakery he bought him a "palmier" "You don't know what's a palmier Lou ? It's french, you need to  taste it  come on", and the old store with stuffed animals and one looking exactly like Lou, the kitten he gave to Harry, in the window. Harry. No matter what, Harry was everywhere, in his mind, in his life and Louis hated how he slowly made his way to his heart only to break it. After what felt like hours but really wasn't as it was still dark outside, Louis sat on an bench. He lied in the fetal position and allowed himself a little rest.

 

When he awoke, the bench had turn into a bed, by the smell, he could know it was his. He was suddenly really cold but his body was sweating. He felt something on his forehead but a hand stopped him before he could reach to know what it was.

"Don't move Louis it would only be worse" a voice, Niall's as it turned out, said putting back the wash cloth. "Why would you sleep the night on a damn bench when it's winter and snowing you stupid, stupid Tomlinson."

"Just wanted some fresh air, didn't mean to fall asleep" he tried to say but his throat was on fire.

"It's ok mate, I think a good nap and some tea would do" Niall said a little bit less angry, knowing exactly why Louis was in such a state. "You're lucky Zayn had the night shift and found you"

"What do you mean" Louis asked his heart racing.

"The bench you slept on, it's the one in front of the hospital you know, next to the ambulance entrance, that's why Zayn..."

"Does he know ?" Louis cut him off. No, he didn't want Harry to know he was such a pathetic person he wanted to the hospital at night. He couldn't have him thinking Louis was there to see him.

"No, I don't think so. He called me when he saw you outside, you had snow for blanket mate, and when I got there to pick you up Zayn was alone, not even Liam was there.

"Alright, good, I don't want him to know, he can't in fact, where never gonna talk about him eve again" he said slowly falling asleep.

 

 

 

Harry screwed up big time and he only had himself to blame. He didn’t think Louis would visit his mum this early. It’s not that he had decided to hide that he as his mum’s doctor, not at all, really, he wanted to tell him but not like that. Not after that night. He finally had what he wanted, he had Louis and he screwed up. No happiness was to be seen on his face when he came back to the hospital that morning. He snapped at everyone all day, even at Liam and Zayn. They had tried to cheer him up after they heard about the fight, but Harry was feeling so guilty and poorly, that he just hated everyone right now. Everyone but the next patient ton his schedule.

"Hi Miss Tomlinson" he said opening the curtains and looking at Louis’ mother.

"Sweetheart, you can still call me Meg you know. So dear, my son’s is the someone we’ve been talking about ?" the woman said with a soft smile on her tired face.

"Who do you know ? did he tell you anything ?"

"Harry, I might be sick but I’m not exactly stupid it wasn’t hard to guess when I saw the sadness on your face yesterday and well, Louis’ been talking a lot about an Harry the past few weeks, I wasn’t sure but after yesterday, it’s not hard to understand is it ?"

Harry sighed and took sit on the fed where Meg asked him

"Hey, Louis’ the boy I… love. Not sure I still got the right to love him after what happened. You got to trust me Meg, I didn’t want to play a game, or hide anything really. And I do not pity him. Well, not that I’m heartless of course but it’s not because of that that I’ve been speaking to him."

"I know you’re a good boy Harry but you know, life never really be easy on Louis, he can get really stubborn sometimes and has the hardest time to ask for help. Being the man of the family, he hates to be seen as vulerable but you know, he is a softie. Don’t lose hope yeah ? He makes you happy and even if he didn’t say much, he is the happiest I’ve seen him in month."

Harry only nodded not being able to find the right words. But yes, he couldn’t give up just yet when finally love someone. He needed Louis and he was gonna make him understand how much he meant to him. Even if Louis was never going to be him, he needed to make him felt love. No matter what. But apologizing to Louis was a bit harder than said. First, since the morning of the fight, the older boy hadn't pick up the phone once, nor answering his texts. It's been two days now and he hadn't see him at the hospital. Even with Harry trying to go to the cafeteria as much as  his schedule allowed him,  Louis was nowhere to be seen. Now, Louis knew how to be sneaky, no doubt he succeeded to go in and out without Harry noticing. But it still hurts. Were they still boyfriends, friends even ? No need to say Harry wasn't the happiest now days and  even if he managed to stay as professional as ever, his mind was definitely somewhere else. For all these reasons he was more than relieved when he entered his flat that night. Even if it was empty and with some of Louis' clothes everywhere. But he wasn't on his couch  for more than an hour when his phone rang.

"Louis ?" he answered hoping that the older boy would finally talk to him.

"Sorry mate. only Niall but I need your help, I know it's really late and if I could I would call someone else but you're the only one I could think of" the Irish lad rumbled in the phone visibly nervous and making Harry nervous too.

"Slow down Niall it's ok what's going on"

"It's Louis, he's sick, I think, I thought he would be ok but he is now shivering a awful lot and he's got fever I don't know what to do and"

"Shit ok, Niall I'm on my way please try to keep him awake till I'm here alright" Harry finished not waiting for an answer and already fumbling with keys, phone and grabbing his medical kit before heading down the street. The journey to Louis’ flat was a nightmare and even his own knocks on the door where like loud bangs in his head.

"Niall hurry up it’s me" he said more to himself than to the lad.

Luckily it’s seemed like Niall was just behind the door because he opened in no time.

"Thanks god you’re here. I don’t know what’s wrong. He seemed fine at first but now he’s getting worse he keeps coughing and he says it hurts to much » he said leading Harry to Louis’ room. The air was heavy in there and the boy seemed so small in his bed. His beautiful face was torn by pain.

"Louis please stay still it’s me tell me what’s going on" he said slowly pushing Louis’ hair away from his eyes. They were open but he didn’t seem to see Harry, or he was seeing through him. They were glassy. It wasn’t good, it really wasn’t good. Harry took his stethoscope out of his bag and slowly put it to listen to Louis’ heart. It was beating fast, way too fast. Small drop of sweat were rolling slowly on his jaw.

"I think he’s got pneumonia"

"You think or you sure be more precise for fuck’s sake Harry" Niall almost yelled.

"No,no I’m sure it’s pneumonia"

"Ok what should we do, should we take him to the hospital" Niall continued already starting to take his wallet. Harry grabbed him by the wrist to calm him.

"It’s ok Niall I’ve got it. First he needs to take some paracetamol to relief the pain and for the fever, and he needs some amoxicillin and water, lots of water do you have it Niall ?”

“I’m gonna run to the drugstore” Niall yelled, already in the hallway.

Harry returned to Louis who was still struggling to breath. Sitting on the bed next to him, carefully avoiding his body, the boy was in enough pain, he stared at him. God he had missed him.

“Harry ?” Louis managed to say weakly

“Yes Louis I’m here babe, I’ve got it don’t move” he said caressing his jaw.

"You’re here" he continued, trying to smile through the pain. " Am I dead ?"

"What, no love, I’m really here, Niall called me and.. ."

"I love you Harry" Louis said in a whisper before falling asleep.  Wait, what ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update ! And sorry it's kind of short but I need the cliffehanger here. Hope you enjoy xX ps: no proofread will do it tomorrow


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK this chapter is really short but it's been ages since my last update and I just feel I need to post it to before the next heavy stuff.

It must have been the longest night ever for Harry just waiting for Louis to wake up again. To know if he really meant it, if he really loved him. He had fallen asleep on a chair next to Louis' bed sometimes between changing the wash glove on Louis' head and checking his fever. It wasn't before 10 AM than he heard the blue eyes boy stir in his sleep.

"Lou ?" he called softly. "How are you feeling ?" 

"Water, Can I have some water please" Louis said, hoarse voice.

"Yes Yes of course babe. I'm gonna get you some water, and some breakfast as well. You must be hungry. Give me 10 minutes I'll be back. 

Harry ran to the kitchen. He wanted to cook some eggs but wasn't sure Louis' stomach could handle so much food right now so decided for some toast with butter and jam, a glass of water and some tea. His hands were shaking a bit, wondering what would happen next, Louis' word dancing in his mind and driving him crazy. He was brought back on earth by the sound of the kettle, put everything on a tray and headed back to the room.

"Here you go Louis, I didn't really now what you wanted so I hope it's good. And here is some water" he said handing the glass to Louis.

"Thanks" the smaller boy said after a while. They both sat there in an awkward silence, Louis slowly drifting to sleep now and then. It felt like hours when Harry opened his mouth.

"I probably should leave now, Niall is in his room If you need anything" he said as he stood up and walked to the door.

"Wait, Harry. Could you... stay a little bit with me. Lay with me" Louis said, slumber heavy on his tongue.

Harry's eyes grow wide and while he knew it probably was the fever talking, his body moved to the bed and laid behind Louis, spooning him. He just laid there listening to Louis' soft noise as the boy drifted back to sleep, following close behind.

It was late in the afternoon when Harry woke up to some noise coming from the leaving room. He heard Niall cursing to the TV and looked down where Louis was waking up as well. He knew things wouldn't be back to normal between them but he had hope they were getting there. Or at least that they could talk so he could explain how he felt.

"Louis... about last night, you said..." he started hesitantly only to be arshly cut.

"Last night doesn't change anything Harry. Thank you for taking care of me but please, leave." Louis said facing the wall and turning is back at him.


	7. Chapter 6

It must have been the longest night ever for Harry just waiting for Louis to wake up again. To know if he really meant it, if he really loved him. He had fallen asleep on a chair next to Louis' bed sometimes between changing the wash glove on Louis' head and checking his fever. It wasn't before 10 AM than he heard the blue eyes boy stir in his sleep.  
  
"Lou ?" he called softly. "How are you feeling ?"  
  
"Water, Can I have some water please" Louis said, hoarse voice.  
  
"Yes Yes of course babe. I'm gonna get you some water, and some breakfast as well. You must be hungry. Give me 10 minutes I'll be back.  
  
Harry ran to the kitchen. He wanted to cook some eggs but wasn't sure Louis' stomach could handle so much food right now so decided for some toast with butter and jam, a glass of water and some tea. His hands were shaking a bit, wondering what would happen next, Louis' word dancing in his mind and driving him crazy. He was brought back on earth by the sound of the kettle, put everything on a tray and headed back to the room.  
  
"Here you go Louis, I didn't really now what you wanted so I hope it's good. And here is some water" he said handing the glass to Louis.  
  
"Thanks" the smaller boy said after a while. They both sat there in an awkward silence, Louis slowly drifting to sleep now and then. It felt like hours when Harry opened his mouth.  
  
"I probably should leave now, Niall is in his room If you need anything" he said as he stood up and walked to the door.  
  
"Wait, Harry. Could you... stay a little bit with me. Lay with me" Louis said, slumber heavy on his tongue.  
  
Harry's eyes grow wide and while he knew it probably was the fever talking, his body moved to the bed and laid behind Louis, spooning him. He just laid there listening to Louis' soft noise as the boy drifted back to sleep, following close behind.  
  
It was late in the afternoon when Harry woke up to some noise coming from the leaving room. He heard Niall cursing to the TV and looked down where Louis was waking up as well. He knew things wouldn't be back to normal between them but he had hope they were getting there. Or at least that they could talk so he could explain how he felt.  
  
"Louis... about last night, you said..." he started hesitantly only to be arshly cut.  
  
"Last night doesn't change anything Harry. Thank you for taking care of me but please, leave." Louis said facing the wall and turning is back at him.

**Author's Note:**

> As I said, I'm sorry I bet I made like a lot of mistakes but I'm french ! Find me on tumblr Neverenoughstylinson ! Also comments, if you liked it so far ? Maybe ?


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